Wednesday, December 31, 2014


It's my birthday.

I like sharing weird stuff. The Star Wars Holiday Special is a weird example. How weird? It is the only thing George Lucas is associated with that he, and I quote...

"If I had time and a hammer, I'd track down every bootleg copy and smash it."

And, if that isn't a glowing recommendation, I don't know the definition of "glowing recommendation" or George Lucas is capable of being embarrassed by a poorly conceived cash-in on his big cash cow.

Also, I just really enjoy watching these guys shoot the $#!7!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014


Falconshield puts out excellent content on a weekly basis that supplies with me plenty of music to listen to when I play League and I have been playing a lot of league lately. In fact, as I sit here typing on my new Razor Black Widow keyboard (loudly), I am excited to get back on the rift tonight and continue improving my ADC game so I can climb out of Bronze this season. Hopefully, I won't get dunked in the process.

P.S. Vi is still one of my favorite champs.

brentalfloss thinks Ocarina of Time is a flawed and overrated title that changed one of his favorite video game series for the worse. This is a fairly unpopular but growing more popular by the day opinion. Dave Bulmer is in the majority, though, and thinks Ocarina of Time is one of the best games, if not best, of all time.

I don't have a strong opinion on Ocarina but, I'll admit, it is the only Zelda game that I have never finished and I only got a few hours into it...

This is different. I like different.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/24/14! (LOL)

Snowdown Showdown [snow-down-snoh-down]
1. League of Legends. The annual seasonal event in League of Legends that as come every Winter since 2009. The event has a heavy winter theme, with a focus on snow/ice themes & Christmas themes, usually involving a snowy paint of coat on a map/s, gifting events, special bundles, legacy skins, special sales, and other promotions.

Last year's Snowdown Showdown skins were pretty great.

This year we got a poro themed game mode, Legend of the Poro King and a whole new slew of special legacy skins and icons.

Here are the amaze-balls icons:

I have them all. A cool note? If you equip the Snowdown Poro icons, directly above, before playing Legend of the Poro King, your poros will be especially skinned in those five themes.

And now, let's look at the three Snowdown Showdown 2014 skins...

Orianna is both a beautiful and sad character to begin with (she is a robot made by a father to replace his deceased daughter) and there is something haunting about this skin. The graceful animations, the sharp textures giving it an ornament like quality, and those piercings eyes make this a unique skin. The only mark I can take against it is that the Poro deathball, while cute, detracts from the character's themes a little too much. Maybe a giant snowflake would've been better? Fragile, beautiful, and fleeting. 4/5.

Poro minions are going to make this my default skin for Malzahar but, much like the Winter Ops themed Varus skin, I feel like the snow mask and other winter gear don't feel especially unique to the character. 4/5.

This is pretty much the perfect skin for me; Sejuani is decked out in a snow going outfit that perfectly compliments the pink cheeks and tongue of her mount and, as her mount is a giant poro and her weapon is a poro snack on the end of a leash, I am smitten with this perfect Snowdown skin. 5/5.

What do you guys think?

Monday, December 22, 2014


I actually got the 5th Edition Player's Handbook (two of them by accident) for Christmas and I gotta say, after playing the system from Level 1 to Level 6 that it is a pretty decent little system that blend mechanics from 3rd and 4th editions and incorporates in some nice improvements/innovations that make the game feel like classic D & D but less convoluted than 4th edition's more video game like mechanics.

On the other hand, here are spoony's opinions which range from profound to whiny-- because that is how all nerd opinions go. Or have you not been reading my blog?

Look. Hey. At least is not the actual Star Wars Christmas Special? Right!? RIGHT!?!

For my friend's Christmas get-together this year we exchanged gifts and played Super Smash Bros. for Wii-U. As per usual, things got a little salty, people cursed loudly and let out cries of agony as they were mother f***ing smashed and feelings were hurt. But, after a trip to Dairy Queen and a few rounds of Ultimate Werewolf, we remembered the true meaning of Christmas.

All Villagers are a**holes.

 This year my Mother put up three Christmas trees:

Our usual Christmas tree with all of our ornaments (of which I am especially fond of the Disney ornaments but my favorite is probably the Greedo & Han Solo Cantina Scene Diorama), a patriotic red, white, and blue tree and a snowman tree.

The trees are taking over.

Friday, December 19, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/19/14!

fury [fyoor-ee]
1. Unrestrained or violent anger, rage, passion, etc.
2. Violence; ferocity; brutality.
3. Classical mythology. (furies) The daughters of Gaea who punished crimes at the instigation of victims, known to the greek as Erinyes and the romans as Furiae.

"She should have died hereafter.
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

-William Shakespeare's Macbeth

Thursday, December 18, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/18/14! (LoL)

poro ball [pohr-oh-bawl]
1. A poro projectile thrown as part of the summoner spell "poro toss" to deal damage, slow, and apply an effect that allows the thrower to zoom over to the hit target for a short period of time.

EX. I love poros! But I also love poro ball!

(As some have taken to calling the new "Legend of the Poro King" game mode).

Last year, we all celebrated, with childish glee, the Snowdown Showdown mode (I as much as everyone with several articles) and this year Riot pulls out the stops with a new game mode set on Howling Abyss where your summoner spells are replaced by Poro Toss, which allows you to toss poro balls, and To the King, which allows you to pull yourself to the Poro King. What's that? Who's the Poro King?

Oh, well, when your team makes ten contacts with your enemy, you summon the powerful building destroying Poro King! This makes this mode a mad dash to get 10 hits first and then to protect/destroy the king, depending on who controls him, as he makes his merry march towards the enemy Nexus.

I may be biased, because I love poros, but this is a pretty fun game mode. My favorite moment has been getting a quadrakill as Vel'Koz (who is now disabled) by using Poro Toss to hit a Lee Sin, watch him kick to safety, and then pulling to him to kill him and his teammates with a well-placed face-melting ult. Stay tuned for the next couple of days for articles on the Poro ward skins/icons and the new Snowdown 2014 skins (they all include poros in some form)!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014


Oh Jontron. You're the cutest cartoon character ever. You don't believe me after me starting this WTF WED with some commercial for a shirt or hoodie? Well fine then. Here is some bonus content.


I know it isn't really Christmas themed but, if you look at the title, I somehow manage to tie it all together, wrap it, and put a bow on it this year. Or I worked with what I got and gave you what I could give you. Why're you so ungrateful this year? Sorry.


And lastly, our two favorite surreal buddies from Nick: The Feature Film.

There is Nick and there is Chris. Apparently, when Chris isn't busy reviewing restaurants in the totally not fictional town of Titanville, Florida (it really is real, but I like casting aspersion), he is busy throwing on a wig so he could bother Nick.

Everyone will suffer for this.

Kwanza. Just Kwanza.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/16/14!

menagerie [men-aj-uh-ree]
1.  A collection of wild or unusual animals, especially for exhibition.
2. A place where a collection of wild or unusual animals, especially for exhibition, are kept.
3. A collection.
4. A group of people.

EX. Imagine a world...

...where two adult colleagues discuss Noah's Ark, the biblical story usually introduced to children at a young age, and one of the two poorly animated colleagues positing,

"What if, the entire point of having Noah build the ark and collect a menagerie of animals is so that God can make them race each other?"

and the other colleague, in an equally monotone and strange manner, laughs at his theological theory and basically calls him an idiot.

Then, God transforms them and their other colleagues into animals. They race.

That is the plot of Zoo Race. You can buy it.

Monday, December 15, 2014


Before I head back to work, been rotating between work, sleep, and social obligations, I wanted to make sure I got this article out the digital door and out to you guys. At least Egoraptor and the rest of the gang (Danny Sexbang, Ninja Brian) made it easy for me this week by releasing their entire album for their fans to enjoy on youtube.

If you like it, as I do, you'll probably wanna check out their next album which hits the digital streets tomorrow!

Friday, December 12, 2014

Wednesday, December 10, 2014


You come home. You hear something upstairs. Someone is taking a shower. You creep up the stairs to investigate and realize that your partner is washing off. A playful though emerges. You step into the bathroom and disrobe. You pull the curtain and...

Between running a Call of Cthulhu game and watching Christopher Nolan's Interstellar, I find myself obsessed with metaphysical horror because, when confronted by the unexplainable and unconfrontable, humans will try to explain and confront it.

That is fascinatingly horrible or is it just horrible fascinating? I don't know.

I really wanna play Alien: Isolation. Even if the last horror video game I played made me jump about and flail like a fish at the first jump scare. Once again, humans feel they must confront such things. Or run. Probably just run. Well, run and hide. Yeah. That makes sense...

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/9/14!

couch co-op [kowch-koh-op]
1. Cooperative gameplay that allows more than one player to play one copy of a game together in the same room with each other.

EX. As someone who totally didn't buy the entire first line of Amiibos to create an army of replacement doppelgangers of my friends to play Smash against, this totally doesn't hit too close to home and neither does this:

And yet...

I'm just kidding because, while 8 Player Smash hasn't really been pulled off under my roof, my friends and I participate in couch co-op sessions almost every Sunday. We've been tearing it up in Mario Kart 8 (which just dropped its first DLC) and Smash Bros 4 (which we usually play about 6 player Smash). I don't have picture evidence because we're usually too eager to play to think about that but I suppose some photo evidence of us playing Brawl earlier this year will work?

P.S. Smash Bros 4 review should be here later this week. Though, one must wonder, what is the point of reviewing something so universally beloved? To put it simply, nothing, not even Smash bros, is perfect. Dun dun dun!

Friday, December 5, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/5/14! (LoL)

revengence [re-ven-juns]
1. The infliction of punishment in return for an act of wrong doing, retribution, vengeance, revenge, etc, especially with great violence or to an extreme degree.

EX. We're back with a new League of Legends article and this time we're back with a vengeance. Again. With extreme prejudice. Again.

With a revengeance.

So, let's take a look at the 1atest champion from the Shadow Isles, Kalita the Spear of Vengeance!

Long ago, even before the Ruin of the Blade King, Kalista was a legendary warrior who attempted to avert a great tragedy and was betrayed and slain by those she trusted most. She became an eternal spirit of retribution with a particular hatred towards the liars and traitors of Runeterra. Victims to such betrayal can beseech the aid of Kalista for a steep price: their souls.

But who can put a price on vengeance?

Kalista is a unique marksman with a high skill level cap; with the abilities to chase down her prey, escape/kite potential gankers, and her ability to use her teammates to achieve an end makes her another interesting addition to the League.

Kalista's Passive, Martial Poise, is a two-edged spear tip-- on one hand, the innate part of the passive makes Kalista unable to cancel her auto attacks once she begins her wind up but also allows her to perform a small dash every time she performs an auto attack or uses her Q that can even get her over small walls.

Also, her passive gives her a unique item for free: The Black Spear that, when picked up by an ally of her choice, allows them to become Oathsworn. Her Oathsworn teammate has an interaction with three of her abilities and, after going back to the base, she can rebuy the item, for free, to pick a new Oathsworn.

Her Q, Pierce, has no interaction with her Oathsworn but is one of her most useful abilities; a straight line skill shot that can be used to poke down opponents and secure last hits, it will also pass on the stacks of Rend (check out her E) onto the next target if she scores a kill with Pierce.

Her W, Sentinel, has a passive that gives her and her Oathsworn bonus magic damage for attacking the same opponent. It also has an activated ability that sends out a ghost-like minion to do 7 laps over a short distance. If the ghost or "soul sentinel" runs into an enemy it lets out a shriek, reveals them, and disappears. This is a useful ability for checking bushes or preventing ganks but is vulnerable to attacks from behind and can be destroyed with just two auto attacks from behind without revealing the enemy attacking it.

This ability gives Kalista the skills she needs to deal tons of damage with her Oathsworn and gives her the utility to survive given her vulnerability to ganks.

Her E, Rend, has a passive that puts a stack of Rend on a target for four seconds every time she autoattacks of Qs a target enemy. She can stack them on multiple enemies and they remain on target as long as she reattacks that target within 4 seconds. This means there really is no limit to how many stacks she can apply.

When she activates E, she deals damage based on each stack of Rend in her nearby targets and applies a slow. This secures kills, last hits, escapes, chases and generally makes Kalista one of the most dangerous ADCs in the game-- whether laning or in a team fight.

Finally, Kalista's Ult is somewhat strange but useful; Fate's Call makes her Oathsworn pull towards Kalista, making them untargetable for a few seconds, before throwing them back in either a targeted direction or the direction Kalista is facing. The Oathsworn, once thrown, stops at the first enemy and knocks up all others around them to allow for great engages and disengages.

And she has a great alternate skin with the Bloodmoon theme that makes her look like a mix between an oni and a shinobi.

All in all, Kalista may not be able to save her lane or her Oathsworn team mate, but you'll be damn sure she'll avenge it!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


I wake up and pull out my phone. I've just finished sleeping for about four hours after an eight hour shift in the mines of Tahr-jeh, climbing up and down perilous ladders, taking boxes out of some holes and putting other boxes into some and other holes. The holiday spirit is upon us and the holiday spirit is oppressive. Glitter everywhere.

The Tricorn appears on my youtube subscription. Thank you Tricorn. Thank you.

I need to play another Assassin's Creed game, since I haven't played any of the games besides the first title, which was fairly innovative, and Brotherhood, which was silly fun, because I get two accounts from my fellow gamers:

1. The game is great. The co-op provides hours of fun, the story built since Blackflag is engaging, and the setting is cool.

2. The game is okay, except the fact that it is another glitchy unfinished Ubisoft game that fails to live up to the hype and was shoved out the door, with an embargo on reviews, to screw over the fans.

As for my feelings on the franchise, I wish they'd at least space out the sequels in the series or, at the very least, to allow themselves time to ship a complete game.

Oh, and as for the games I played in the series, they were fun but the gameplay was often teeth grindingly repetitive and the story was a mix of dull and confusing.

Sorry. Well, who am I apologizing to? Only like six people read these articles. I hate my millennial mid-twenties cynicism. Pout.

I wish they would reimagine my favorite shows in more creative ways, rather than simply toyifing my childhood nostalgia to turn into cheap pieces of plastic without regard for good writing, good character designs, or anything resembling creativity.

I would watch an HBO animated series.

On a similar note, check out Bojack Horseman on Netflix. It is a hoot and a half.