Saturday, June 21, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 6/21/14!

death stare [deth-stehr]
1. The look someone gives to someone when filled with murderous intent.
2. The look on Luigi's face after tossing a red turtle shell into the back of some poor scrub's skull in Mario Kart 8.






EX. Luigi's death stare is so intense. It really makes you wonder what happened to fill his heart with such...fury. I think it has something to do with the fact that "in the year of Luigi" we didn't get a Luigi's Mansion sequel on the Wii-U.

All I know is...

MARIO KART 8 is amazing! The character roster, the controls, the tracks, the music, the graphics, and on and on! Everything is fantastic!

Except for battle mode. F*** Mario Kart 8's battle mode.

Still 5/5. Just ask Roy and Morton. They seem to be having fun.


Friday, June 20, 2014

MY E3 2014 TOP TEN*! *Excluding Nintendo (WORD OF THE DAY! 6/20/14!)

cinerarium [sin-uh-rer-ee-uhm]
1. A place for keeping the ashes of the dead after cremation. (The place? All over Big Boss's face!)

E3 is super duper over and, unlike last year, I gotta say I couldn't find as much enthusiasm when it came to watching or covering the events. I went out of the way to watch it last year, when I didn't have a job, but this year, between a bad internet connection and a long week, I only took the time to watch the Nintendo conference...

And apparently I didn't miss much. I could've predicted the games that Ubisoft, Sony, Microsoft and E3 would be showing off at this year's conference. Mostly because most of the big games were either sequels to games that came out last year....or the games were already revealed last E3.

To be blunt, there were very few shocking revelations and that's kind of disappointing to someone who's becoming more and more disinterested in buying an Xbox One and PS4. Eventually, I will have to pony up some cash to play exclusives, right? Well, I suppose there were some cool trailers, at the very least, and that's today's subject. So here are my "TOP TEN TRAILER OF E3 2014*".

*Not including Nintendo games, since Nintendo would dominate half of this list with ease.

No surprises here. This is the trailer I had to share immediately after watching it and it is the trailer I've had to watch over and over again. Why?

Because Metal Gear. Not good enough? Let me elaborate.

It isn't really the gameplay. In fact, there are games that do elements of Metal Gear's gameplay much better.

Some people criticize this trailer as being melodramatic, but isn't that the point? Metal Gear Solid is about allowing yourself to be swept up in the ridiculous melodrama of a slightly cyberpunk world designed by pushing every element of design, visual and audio, to the limits to imbue every politically thick and convoluted storyline with "cool" and sexy imagery. If it took itself too seriously, it would be overbearing. But it doesn't. And that's what makes it so cool. So special. So...


Seriously, Vaas should be the mascot for Ubisoft. Why?

Because of the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Ubisoft, for better or worse, lives by that creed. (Check out #7 or, "Wow, another awesome trailer for an Assassin's Creed game that is a glitchy but gorgeous open world assassin game in an interest setting/time that probably has a horridly convoluted story".)

Still, I really liked Far Cry 3. I don't think I really liked it as much as some other people and yet I can't help but think fondly of the experience. The fact that they've adopted having a compelling villain as being a hallmark of the series after Vaas is great (and really, I don't see why this should be something they and other game makers haven't figured out).

I can't wait to see the messed up little "paradise" that Pagan Min has created in the mountainous Kyrat, especially while riding an elephant.

I love Halo. Halo is the series that sold me on the original Xbox and Xbox 360. Halo 2 was the first multiplayer game I played online.

And I would love to play Halo 2 and 3 in gloriously remastered graphics (seriously, Halo 2's cinematics look like arse).

Is it sad that this is probably the first "next gen experience" that makes me wish I had a next gen console? Yes.

Space travel? Check. Exotic planets? Check. Eye-bleeding graphics? Check. Good music? Check. Alien dinosaurs? Check.

It's not wonder that No Man's Sky is quickly becoming the most anticipated new game franchise with every new piece of game footage released.

Look at this game! It's a classic side-scroller platformer with Megaman like elements of combat but, rather than using bland 3D or recycled faux 8-bit graphics, the game looks like a gorgeous piece of rubbery animation of yore!

Stylistically, I can't think of a game that looks even remotely like Cuphead and I can't wait to play it.

Rinse and repeat.

Still, like always, the trailers for Assassin's Creed games are, undeniably, exciting.

Even if I'm tired of them.

I've heard some people were disappointed when actually playing the demo at E3 but if the game has an ounce of the self-aware comedy and style of this trailer, it'll at least be a refreshing but shallow experience.

Is it just me or does Nathan Drake look more like Liam Neeson the older he gets? Am I or anyone else going to complain about that? No.

Anywho, I wanna put this higher on the list because Uncharted is one of my favorite series, but the trailer is pretty unenlightening.

Is it a coincidence that I played Far Cry 3 and the Tomb Raider reboot back to back but, while I played them they seemed slightly mediocre, I actually remember them fondly?

Nope. The games have a lot of similarities and were the perfect games for an unemployed graduate with a lot of time on his hands.

Here's to hoping Square Enix can go two for two!

It looks and sounds like Miyazaki film.

We live in a magical time.


This is actually a pretty funny commercial. So, you're probably wondering why I put it as a dishonorable mention?

My friends know. I'm sick of zombies. I think a lot of people are, actually, starting to grow sick of zombies too. What hasn't been done with zombies yet? The answer is nothing. If you have to resort to making a game about zombies, you've run of ideas.

Remember how amazing the trailer for Dead Island was back in like 2011? Remember the stupid , gory, and generic mess we got instead? I'm still bitter about that bait and switch.

On a side note, I would still love to play Left 4 Dead 3 because, unlike Dead Island, that series isn't a hyped up, dumb mess.

But seriously man...

Why the fuck does everything have to be about zombies? I'm sick of zombies. Unless you have a good idea involving zombies, like, I dunno, a game where you're a zombie and trying to convince your still alive friends that, despite your condition, that you're not going to eat their brains, then stop making the same two or three recycled games. Don't even try. Give up.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 6/19/14!

hircine [hur-sayn]
1. Of or pertaining to a goat or goat-like qualities.
2. Having a goat-like odor.
3. Lustful; libidinous.

EX. Goat Simulator is one of those games that you're either going to love or hate. It is a very silly, very dumb and somewhat glitchy experience. Personally, I love it.

The hircine delight has divided many gamers. If we're being literal and frank, the game began as, essentially, a tech demo made as a joke. It is, essentially, a glitchy skateboarding game where they took out the skateboarder and replaced him/her with a goat. In the game, there are no real objective or storyline. You simply explore the map, find secrets and glitches, and wreck up the place. The game doesn't really give you anything to do. Everything relies on your input entirely.

Essentially, you create the fun and amusement you have in watch Goat Simulator. This is why it is often fun to watch Let's Plays of the game by youtube entertainers. Nothing directs you what to do, there are no real tutorials, or directions besides the controls. The player makes an experience custom to their decisions.

The game is a comedy sandbox.

If you wanna better put explanation of this idea (my eyes are strained so I'm somewhat rushing this article), make sure to check out the PBS video at the header "Is Goat Simulator brilliant or stupid?"

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


So, Watch_Dogs has been the most hyped video game since 2012 and who can blame gamers for falling for the hype?

Look at the first gameplay footage.

Gamers were promised a next generation experience that was only truly possible on a powerful PC or next generation console. Unfortunately, the graphics delivered in the final product were, while fine compared to other games, paled in comparison to what had been previously advertised... Furthermore, the gameplay (as I predicted) is the recycled and retrofitted gameplay of Assassin's Creed into a city setting with terrible driving mechanics (driving missions are prevalent) and a bland milktoast story. So what happened?

Modders discovered that the graphic settings used for E3 2012 can still be found in the PC version's code. This means that the graphical features, like weather effects and lighting, that had blown away the audience back in 2012 are actually hidden in the game. Why?

Also, why couldn't they have hid a better game in the code like Mario Kart 8? *slam dunk*

Hey kids! Are you excited for an original PSA on smoking? I'LL SAY! Oops! I left capslock on! How embarrassing!

I didn't really have many friends that lived nearby when I was a kid/teen so Summer was usually the longest, loneliest and most boring part of my childhood. The happier memories involve visiting relatives and doing stuff with my family. The rest of my summer was usually spent watching TV, reading books, or being bored. Sometimes, nostaglia blows.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 6/17/14!

hype train [hahyp-trehyn]
1. A slang term used to describe the high level of anticipation surrounding an upcoming release of a popular media franchise or an announcement of a new project, especially for video games, movies and TV series. In the video gaming community, the term may be used in a positive light to express one’s excitement, or conversely, to convey disappointment at a product that fails to meet high expectations.

EX, Well, I've been aboard the Nintendo hype train since Mario Kart 8 reestablished my trust in Nintendo's ability to provide a unique and fun experience that, as far as I know, none of their competitors can provide. My friends really came around on the Wii-U and we've been playing it every weekend. On the flipside, I have had to set aside time to play my Xbox 360 backlog (currently playing Dishonored) and haven't played PS3 since I beat Uncharted 3 last year (yes, I need to play the Last of Us). Nintendo Wii-U might be my sole current gen console for a good while...

...and so, I anticipated the Nintendo E3 digital event with a good bit of hype behind it. After all, the Wii-U will be a two year old console when Smash Bros Wii-U comes out and Nintendo needs to really sell the console to gamers and, perhaps an even more difficult battle, figure out how to market the console to the casual market. I think it is depressing that so many people do not understand that the Wii-U is a completely separate device from the Wii. It is an HD console that plays Wii and Wii-U games and provides the funnest living room experience in the market.

And what did I think of their conference?

They really hit the mark with a funny, refreshing, and genuine conference that even Dunkey's cynical butt seemed to enjoy. They don't try to sell the audience any apps or make any promises about cloud gaming. Instead, they just show the audience about forty five minutes of pure games.

Super Smash Bros. for the Wii-U/3DS, Yoshi's Wooly World, Captain Toad Treasure Tracker, Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, Hyrule Warriors, a new Zelda, a new Starfox, Mario Maker, Bayonetta 2, Mario Part 10, Xenoblade Chronicles, Splatoon, and more...

The next year is gonna be awesome.

The only non-game announcement, technically, were the Ammibos. This is Nintendo's take on the Skylander and Disney Infinity figurine craze and all I gotta say is... FINALLY! I've been saying Nintendo should do this for a while, since rumors first popped up about this, because it is a clear license to print money! I want to be able to put my favorite Nintendo characters in my favorite Nintendo games (Pikachu in Mario Kart please) and will be collecting these! I've been looking for an excuse to collect figurines and these are pretty nice.

I think Nintendo won (if that is even a thing). Still, expect to hear about the rest of the games I liked from the other conferences later this week. Just know I'm glad I own a Wii-U right now.

I would watch the entire digital event, or at least the first thirteen minutes because it has a robot chicken sketch and some amazing smash bros news, but I put down some highlights below for your viewing convenience.







 P.S. I went to a Smash Fest event, at a Best Buy, last Wednesday and, after waiting in line for an hour and a half, I got to play Super Smash Bros. on the Wii-U... for four minutes. I got to play two rounds, one as Greninja, who is super fast, and one who is Pikachu, who plays very similarly to Brawl, and I gotta say that the wait was worth it. I got to stand in line with a couple hundred Nintendo fans, talk about games, take some fun pictures, cheer at the smashes landed, and get even more hyped to play this gorgeous looking game.

Seriously, if Mario Kart isn't a reason to buy a Wii-U, Smash Bros definitely fits the bill.

Monday, June 16, 2014


I'm back kids!

And I had an amazing weekend: still coming down from the penultimate episode of this season of Game of Thrones and getting to play Smash Bros on the Wii-U at Best Buy (oh yeah, you know I'll be covering Nintendo's E3 conference later this week), I went into a two day weekend (hadn't had one of those in a while) to celebrate Father's Day a day early by eating out for lunch with my family and...
...I bought me and my Dad matching Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, and Flash shirts (I got a good deal). I think he liked them.

Later that night I watched Edge of Tomorrow with my friends (3/5) and played a ton of Hearthstone that night and following morning. The next day, being a Sunday, I hung out with friends, played Wii-U, watched videos, and worked on my new D & D setting. I gotta say in the end it was a good day. Or two.

It has been over a year since I played Bioshock Infinite and the twisted perversion of Mainstreet USA that is Columbia still haunts me. The atmosphere, the details, the characters, the story, and the violence all create this visceral experience that, honestly, is a proper follow-up to the lonely trip down to Rapture that I first took a few years ago.

The shooting sections aren't the best and the NPCs act strange, but I think people forget that most of the times in the first Bioshock you could sneak around, create traps, and were mostly fighting a couple of enemies at a time in a small area or a Big Daddy that was basically a killer bullet sponge. In Infinite, they strove for mobileThe NPCs didn't seem as strange in the first game because the residents were insane. I would in fact press you to find a video game where the NPCs react appropriately to odd behavior. In a world where everyone sort of minds their own business, I can accept that the citizens wouldn't pay much mind to a slightly strange fellow like Booker. But I digress...

Out of all the games I played last year, I think Bioshock Infinite has probably left the longest emotional impact.