STUFF I THINK ABOUT! CARTOONS 1

Inadvertently, my parents created a monster. A monster who craved the neon glow of the boob tube as it softly hummed a song of secular idolization. A monster fed on the box's fantasy and plastic morality that guided it to the pestilent fields of adulthood. A monster who could not be turned off, though his most comforting companion could be. The monster was me.

I bet you're wondering what I am getting at here, right? Sure, lots of us hip youths raised in a consumer culture spent their childhood watching cartoons. They even make the comment that they were raised by television. I make no such wild claims as to call video my father and audio my mother. I do, however, contend that my relationship is stronger than the average bear. Cartoons weren't a tool to babysit me nor were they an escape from the abuses of an adult world; for I required neither from the 4:3 screen that adorned every room I spent more than an hour at a whack in. Cartoons were my friends.

Not imagined friends. They were very real to the innocent mind of a little boy in desperate need of someone that was familiar. A military brat carted from country to country I paid my dues. The only friends I could see every day, and every where, were those of the 2D variety and they never changed on me (at least when I was young enough to still care). Cartoons were something I could depend on. 

Cartoons don't ask anything of you. They're simple and beautiful things that came in three varieties when I was growing up. At first I just needed the family friendly adventures of a Disney Afternoon but I wanted more. Then came Nicktoons and I bled orange. Finally, came the Cartoon Network, the only true Cartoon Network. Some cartoons taught me how to live and others kept me living.

They fed into my reality and affected the way I looked at everything. I didn't dream about real people that often. I dreamed of eating contests with super powered monsters and being the 4th Ed and playing chess for the fates of world alongside the Jetsons. Reality had a very tenuous grip on me and dreams called to me all the time. I walked along a razor. One slip and I would slide into the valley of talking animals and super powers to never return.

Cartoons taught me who I was but not who I am.

END RANT?

MIXED BAG. WELCOME NEWCOMERS. AGAIN.

 BLOG CARD

I'll be handing out these babies this week to all those people out there that have heard about my blog but haven't checked it out.

If you're new and just got one of these cards feel free to check out the past pages of my blog. Here is a link to my schedule that gives you an idea of what I will post on a daily/weekly basis:

CLICK HERE FOR MY BLOG PLANS!

Also, because I known one of the main draws is The Book of Pokemon. Follow the link below:

BOOK OF POKEMON PT.1            BOOK OF POKEMON PT.2


 This blog is all about entertainment, so I promise I don't go into silly political rants or talk about religion or how my day sucked (unless the latter happened to be interesting). And now for something completely different.

Word of the Day. 9/22/11

Word of the Day

gallant [adj. gal-uhnt for 1, 2, 3; guh-lant, -lahnt, gal-uhnt for 4.]  

adjective 

1. brave, spirited, noble, or chivalrous.

2. grand, stately.

3. colorful or stylish; magnificent

4.exceptionally polite and attentive to women; courtly.

[n. guh-lant, -lahnt, gal-uhnt]

noun

5. a brave, chivalrous or noble person, especially a man.

6. a man especially attentive to women

7. a dashing man; a paramour

[v. guh-lant, -lahnt]

verb

8. to court or act as a lover

9. to escort a woman 

chivalry [shiv-uhl-ree]

noun

1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a night, including the seven virtues, ex. bravery and generosity, as well as martial skill.

2. the rules and customs of a medieval knighthood.

3. courteous behavior, especially by men toward women.

CHIVALRY IS DEAD? 

My friends like to tease me for the simple fact that I live my life with a simple philosophy. Do no harm to others, unless they are doing harm to you. I an a reactionist and, when I can help it, a pacifist. Lawful good, paladin, paragon, are all sci-fi fantasy terms thrown my way to describe my actions in relations to other people. I suppose that if I had been born in another time or in a more fantastic world, I would be inclined to take the life of a knight. I won't lie and say I don't like my role as the nice guy but I don't think it is wrong to be proud of being courteous and sensitive about my words and actions (when I can help it).  Even in videogames like Mass Effect and Fable, I generally preferred to take the righteous path. Furthermore, my dungeons dragons characters that I can most get into are either over the top gallants or knights/clerics who live with a certain level of chivalry and adhere to a strict personal code (as a I do in real life). Yet, I feel that I am often in the minority. In fact, the concept of chivalry seems lost on most of colleagues.

A few semesters ago, in a British Literature course I took with one of my favorite English professors (I am an English-Creative Writing/ History double major), we read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. In the story, there is a scene where a married Lady entreats Sir Gawain to bed with her while her husband is away. Gawain is opposed to this fact because it would be a foul deed to sleep with another man's bride and, in fact, Sir Gawain had forsworn laying with a lady until he was married (despite being quite the paramour and gallant in his own right). His chivalry would not allow him to help commit this act of adultery. When my professor asked the class what they thought, I was flabbergasted to hear more than one student accuse Gawain of being an idiot or "gay" simply because he had an ounce of not only respect for others but his own code. In the glib and disgusting use of the term "gay" by the vacuous young people of the 21st century, "Sir Gawain is gay". He is not gay because he likes men (which would be perfectly okay by me and would be a more incredible story for the period it was written) but because he is a chivalrous knight.

Furthermore, I hear the words, "chivalry is dead" more often than I would like to hear those words said, yet, more often hear them ironically in the full phrase, "and who said chivalry was dead," in reaction to a man taking a chivalrous act. Yet, times have changed and some would argue that the supposed death of chivalry is part of the death of misogyny.  Chivalry, as I see it, is not exclusive to men being courteous. Chivalry is about the strong helping the weak, the young showing respect for the old and for two people to have respect for each other. Women are just as capable of my version of chivalry as men. In an age where women are encouraged to be strong, as strong as men have been encouraged in the past, the axe cuts both ways.

As the axe falls and the sword flies, chivalry is, at its roots, not about courting a woman or becoming a knight, but showing respect to others. I end by asking you to raise your sword not in anger and to shield the weak and innocent from the arrows of anger. Everybody needs a hero. Be that hero.

 Be a Sir Didymus, not an Ambrosius.

DAILY ROUND-UP! 9/21/11

Today was meh with a side of meh.

10 SINS OF SECRET BASES

I honestly can't tell you how silly the Fortress of Solitude is as a secret hideout. With global mapping you think someone would spot the massive mountain of crystals or just the odd energy sources. I always thought the Ninja Turtles were smart to hide out in the sewers because of how complex the New York sewer system is and how people go missing and are never found down there all the time.

FIRST BATMAN: YEAR ONE CLIP! 

I look at Batman differently than most people do, I think. Frank Miller is torn between envisioning him as a grim old bastard or a richboy pedophile. Most people see him as a Adam West, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney (BAT CREDIT CARD?!), Christian Bale, Kevin Conroy (my favorite), or even Deidrich Bader. I usually think of him as BAT-D**K.

BATMAN IS BATTY! 

4chan Makes Flareon USEFUL!?! 

I really love Pokemon. Yet, one of my major griefs are how some Pokemon, usually ones that are cool or nostalgic, kind of suck competitive wise. This crazy way to make a useful Flareon is quite obviously one of the most bizarre exploits I've seen of Pokemon in recent years. For all you pokefans, check it out and go...whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

Word of the Day. 9/21/11

Word of the Day

Sometimes I define terms. Sue me.

non-violent [non-vahy-uh-luhnt] 

adjective 

1. not violent, free of violence

2. peacefully resistant

ex. Pacifists perform non-violent protest through sit-ins and boycott.

 

gentle giant [jen-tl jahy-uhnt]

noun

1. a large animal or person known for its harmlessness or gentleness

ex. Whales are the gentle giants of the sea.

Under a Cork Tree

One of my favorite stories from childhood tells the tale of Ferdinand the Bull. Ferdinand is not like the other bulls because, despite being one of the biggest, he isn't aggressive. In fact, Ferdinand loves to sit under a cork tree and smell flowers. The tree was his favorite spot and all he cared for was the simple pleasure of life. Yet, when he is stung by a bee on one of the flowers, he stampedes about. Next thing we know, poor Ferdinand is taken to a bull-fighting arena and is headlined as Ferdinand the Fierce.They tried to get Ferdinand to fight but, the moment the senioritas threw flowers down to the matador, he wouldn't budge. In the end, they take him home where he can peacefully sit under his cork tree. It's a tale of pacifism overcoming through patience and of a beast denying the beast with-in. I love the simplicity of the story and I think it is why one of the few characters I have played in D & D in the last couple of years was a Minotaur named Ferdinand (corny, I know). Ferdinand is a gentle giant and so is Ludo.

Ludo is a rather important archetypal character and, unlike Hoggle, Sarah and Jareth, needs no transformation. He is already a good person and needs now growth. If doesn't grow, in a story about characters growing, why do we need Ludo in the story at all?

Ludo is a character that is, in fact, more than meets the eye. Initially, when Sarah and Hoggle hear him roaring and howling in pain, they're nervous. Hoggle chooses this moment to ditch Sarah. As Sarah gets closer, she watches a bunch of smaller goblins picking on Ludo, who they've tied upside down to a tree. Sarah manages to help Ludo free himself and in that moment reveals his own extraordinary powers.


Besides being an eight foot tall hulking beast with the strength to pull a wall off a building as we would open a window, Ludo also has the ability to call the rocks. When he sings, rocks come to his aid. This connects Ludo to nature and makes him even more powerful, yet, in a naturalist point of view, explains some of his gentleness.


In fact, Ludo is only aroused to violence when Sarah and Didymus (who had become brothers through melee) are threatened. Even then, Ludo doesn't use his full strength and he doesn't seem to take any pleasure in exerting his power over others. He is a simple creatures who just to mind his own business and help his friends.

Ludo is good friend to Sarah because he is brave, honest and loyal.

Who doesn't want to give Ludo a hug?

TGTBTKIWF 2. Memento *SPOILERS*

This review is not my normal kooky style and is more of an essay based on my first impressions of the film. Enjoy and feel free to give some advice, opinions and more. Thanks.

Quick note on my rating system?
*/5. So Bad Its Good- If I give a movie a "*," that means a special little turd. Its a movie that is so bad that its hilarious (even if the directors didn't mean to make it that way). These movies are great for sharing with friends and tearing it apart. Ex. The Room, Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation, Mac and Me.

 1/5 Kill It With Fire, If I give a film a rating of "1" it means the movie isn't just bad. It is barely a movie or so offensive that to even uses a single sensory organ to witness it would be an insult to the heavens. If I give a movie a 1, avoid it at all costs. The film is pure garbage. Kill it with fire. Ex.  Shrek The Third, Punisher: Warzone, 10,000 B.C. 

2/5. Bad, A movie that lands itself in the bad category means that, while a failure, is not a complete failure. The movie might have some entertainment value, like a good character/scene, but as a whole it fails or is offensive. Ex. Wolverine Origins, Star Wars: Episode I-The Phantom Menace, Hancock.

3/5. Okay, The movie was neither bad nor great. Its probably worth at least once viewing and maybe more if it really catches your fancy. This is probably the easiest rating to give a movie. ex. Night at the Museum, Simpsons Movie, Prince of Persia.

4/5. Great, These are the movie I recommend you check out at least once before you die or it you're just bored. These are the movies that really deserve attention and help elevate film as art and entertainment. ex. Iron Man, How to Train Your Dragon, The 40-Year Old Virgin.

5/5. Favorite, These movies are instant classics....or at least in my book. I reserve 5/5s for movies that I HAVE to own and watch and share with everyone. At some point this year, I'll probably make a list for my top 100 films. Wink. ex. Big Trouble in Little China, Brazil, The Royal Tenenbaums.

MEMENTO

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder. 

Memory is a complex thing. We use pneumonic devices, notes and records to help us remember events, facts and information. We use photographs to remember moments in time and film to remember entire events. As we move into a digital age where information is a search engine away and we can hold entire tomes, histories and cultures in our pockets, it is easy to see how why we take memory for granted. Leonard in Memento does not have the luxury of being able to create new memories. Leonard is a confused and disabled man. He cannot create any new memories and the last thing he remembers from before he is snapped into the present, and forgets what he was just doing, is the brutal rape and murder of his wife. Memento is about his quest to unravel the identity of the murderer to avenge his wife and memory loss. When Memento opens, Leonard believes that that he has all the fact, but, without going back and looking all the instances that led to the “supposed facts”, we can’t trust these facts. 

The film does a fantastic job with dragging the audience kicking and screaming through each scene leading to the conclusion, which is revealed but not explained, in the film’s opening scene. Leonard shoots a man in the head. They use several tricks to clue the audience into where they are in the narrative. First, they use lighting to establish setting and time. In the scenes involving Leonard in the hotel and trying to find J.G. the lighting is dismal and depressive. The soft-lighting gives everything an overcast look and shows us that a storm is brewing. Leonard is of course distraught and this overcast just makes it hit harder. In contrast, when he relives the murder of his wife, the lighting is hard and high, giving us sharp detail and showing how everything besides that moment lacks the same emotional weight. The other dramatic change in time through lighting is the choice of showing the scenes involving his time as a claims agent and Sammy Jankis in black and white. This should be a clue to the audience that these memories are not quite as they seem. In fact, it is revealed that the only things that are exactly remembered correctly are those in the overcast. Memory isn’t so sharp and it isn’t black and white.

As each scene cuts, usually with a straight cut, giving us the feel of being jerk from scene to scene, just as Leonard is, from black to the next scene, we discover the truth. At first, very little is obvious. Not until we discover that Sammy Jankis isn’t real, Leonard killed his wife with insulin, Teddy is an ex-cop who has been using Leonard to kill people for money (telling him each victim is JG, allowing him to get his revenge), Natalie is also using him (abusing his memory to trick him into attacking Dodd), and that Leonard cannot even trust himself. We discover that although the narrator is somewhat reliable that, because he is a detective much like the audience trying to unravel the past events based on information given, Leonard set everything in motion that led to Teddy’s death. It was a way to end the cycle of unnecessary revenge but forced himself, or at least a version of himself, to use a future version of him down the line. This challenges the idea of identity.

Early on in the film we are not sure what to think of Leonard. We seem him murder Teddy and, despite the fact we don’t trust him, we can’t even be sure what to think of his involvement with Leonard. Leonard is a sympathetic character. He is, essentially, crippled as a person. As Teddy argues that he doesn’t even know what he has become because he only remembers who/what he was and the lies he has taught himself to survive. Leonard challenges that his actions are not futile because they leave their mark. He compares it to the fact that just because you close your eyes doesn’t mean you, and the world around you, doesn’t exist. In order to function, Leonard has to trust himself. This is, in some respects, his weakness and, because we relate and want to trust Leonard, our weakness as well. We can trust Leonard to give us the facts of any given moment but have to consider he is only working with what he can observe, his memories before the accident (which he has already tricked himself into changing) and his remaining intuition. The best way to watch the film a second time would be to do so by looking at each Leonard, in each scene, as a different person because, he is instantly defined and warped by his immediate reality.

In the end, the story all comes together for the observer because, unlike Leonard, we can connect all the dots and play detective. If there is anything to be taken away from Memento it is that the observer can only trust what he has observed and what he can remember. Yet, even Leonard says that “Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.” Memory is not a photograph. Truth is in the eye of the beholder.

      Final Score? 

             4/5

WTF WEDNESDAY 3 THE BOOK OF POKEMON Pt. 2

WTF WEDNESDAY

The first two books were kind of WTF but this one is more FTW. Seriously, if you didn't read the first part turn back and read it here so you aren't completely blown away by its mighty weirdness.

THE BOOK OF POKEMON Pt. 2

THE BOOK OF GARY MUTHAF***in' OAK!

What hath I doneth?

I. Oak was remiss and had lost the blessing of Arceus. He had coupled with a Pokémon, begat hundreds of abominations and, despite all of his good works, he was guilty of just as many crimes. He wanted to find redemption. Yet, he had grown elderly; his body and mind feeble from centuries of wizardry, breaking the backs of Machokes and eating Pokéberries in the woods. It was during a forest excursion to get his fix that he saw a vision.

He was enjoying his berry drug trip when it was interrupted by the sight of  a Mr. Mime rave party. The Mr. Mimes were strange forest druids who mostly ate berries and created light  shows. The light show caused him to have a seizure and see the future. In the vision, two figures stood atop a mountain at the end of time, space and were shrouded by light without light and dark without dark. One figure wore ridiculous baseball cap, fingerless gloves and a vest. The other figure was half-naked and had spiky hair. The two spoke in a strange language he couldn't understand but he felt at peace and would've died if not for his vision being disturbed  by a Mr. Mime trying to steal his wallet.

After killing all of the Mr. Mimes with his flame sword, Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi, and flayed them (and their younglings) alive. He then cast them into the pits of  the 9 Poké-Hells, with his unholy powers, to wait until he claimed their souls in the next world. The only survivor was left in the woods to tell all Mimes of the Book of Oak or be hunted down and burned alive. or worse devoured by his lion heads and used to feed the energy pits of Oak's soul. (What? You are not a real Pokémon fan if you don't already know this part? They made a movie? Directed by Frank Miller and produced by sniffing glue?)

Now, after feeding bloodlust he returned to Pallet and Oak began a search for the two strangers in shadow. He needed to seek out a new hero to redeem his actions and bring about a new world order. An order where man and pocket monster were no longer master and slave. His first plan to seek out the Chosen Ones was to stick his sword into a Onyx and tell them the first one who pulled it out would be given mind powers. That, unfortunately, instead led to dozens upon dozens of unnecessary deaths and destruction. After that failure, he invited would-be Chosen Ones to Pallet under the guise of a free-hotdog-giveaway. 

That was also not very effective. What came next was super effective. An insane plan. Offering a free Pokémon and a Pokédex to all ten-year olds. He had decided, that if one of the little bastards managed to find and capture all Pokémon, that such a hero must be the Chosen One. He knew that of the two there would be a Giver and a Taker, a Lover and Hater, a Chosen One and his Rival. Little did he know that the tykes he had sought out for so long were right under his senile nose waiting to be found, waiting to be seen, waiting to begin their journeys.

II.  Oak was not quite sure but something was different that day. A throng of ragamuffins came to collect a starter. Yet, he had run out of all but one starter, a shiny coated Evee that Oak had found scrounging around under his double-wide trailer he hid away his family of Dittos in. He ignored there love, but one of the abominations was different. Unlike the others, he didn't lack the sheen of a human soul. Oak still could not bare to look at him directly and, as such, often ignored his grandchild.

 The child was named Gary Oak. He was the son of Dittoak and a wild Ditto. Gary was 1/8 Human, 1/8 demon and 6/8 Ditto. He was an abomination and yet, like his grandfather, was destined for greatness.

On the day he turned ten, he arrived at his grandfather's lab, to great fanfare. In fact, the youth drove up in a red sportscar with an entourage of strange, but beautiful women. He then proceeded inside and snatched the last Pokémon before his childhood rival, Ash, could receive it. After some harsh words that derided Ash, young Gary Oak began his journey.

The Rival soon became his title as he best Ash Ketchum at every turn, yet, he was not truly a d-bag at all. He was merely troubled; trouble by the manifestation of his own wizardly powers. For example, one of the earliest manifestations of his unique powers was the ability to project his underlying desires into physical form. The girlfriends and sportscar had not been any more real than the dreams of a boy. His popularity was merely a forced manifestation of his pain from spending the first decade of his life in a double-wide trailer filled with his abomination of a family. The only man who could have saved him from this pain rejected his love. Samuel Oak's greatest crimes were against those who loved him most (sad, right?). It was thus that Gary Oak pursued many quests and many miracles in order to try and fill the hole within his demi-human heart.

 First among his quests was to discover more about the origins of his Pokémon brethren through exploration and even had a go at digging up the graves of Pokégods. He found little of what he was looking for but this was merely an aside to the many miracles her performed on his quest to find his place. He found success at almost every challenge he took and his name was spread throughout Kanto upon the tongues of all those who had witnessed his mighty wondrous powers. Some of Gary's powers include: telepathy and telekinesis, spurting blood from his eyes at a distance up to twenty paces, super snuggability, kiss of death, monkey's paw style martial arts, the power to poop out evolutionary stones, the ability to tell Voltorbs from Pokéballs at a distance, to know how to find the tornado in Simon's quest, to turn all Pokéballs into Ultraballs, the ability to taste the past, but most importantly the ability to smell the future.

It was through this sense of smell that he could smell something special about Ash Ketchum. It was through this sense of smell that he would follow his way to victory over all foes, except one. Gary had managed to find the first seven badges and went to Viridian city. There he met a dark figure, Giovanni, and challenged him to a Pokémon battle. It was in this battle he fought a being he had not encountered before and suffered his first loss. The loss shook him far greater than he allowed his facade to show. He sunk into the deep recesses of his own mind and could find no answer to what Pokémon he had just been defeated by. Surely, it was some unknown god. 

Thus, Oak walked out into the wilderness of Viridian forest and killed every Pikachu he came across. It was during this brutal hunt that he developed a closer bond to his Evee and it was in this time that Gary began to doubt whether he wanted to be a Pokémon master at all. He had grown to enjoy unraveling mysteries more than being super awesome (for there was little challenge in his battles...except against the god-like being). After discovery that the truth was his purpose, Gary returned to Pallet for a final test.

 

As if to spite Ash, who had earned his badges through round after round of failure, followed by success through deus ex machina, Gary claimed to have collected all of Kanto's badges. To taunt Ash, he not only gave himself the badge to Viridian city, he created two other badges, drawing Ash into a fury. There battle resulted in Gary destroying Ash, and his partner Pikachu, but Gary was not satisfied. It was in that moment he realized that he wanted to follow in his grandfather's insane footsteps. It was in that moment he realized that success earned without hard work was as unsatisfactory as snapping the neck of a Pichu. It was in that moment Gary Muthaf***in' Oak realized the Chosen One was under his grandfather's nose all along. For the Chosen One was smelled sweet.

Thus concludes the OAK TESTAMENT. The BOOK OF POKEMON is to be continued in the
KANTO TESTAMENT.

DAILY ROUND-UP! 9/20/11

Today was spiffy I suppose but tomorrow can only be better. Somethings that hooked me today include:

io9- 10 BIGGEST MISSED OPPORTUNITIES IN SCI-FI
This is a pretty amusing article that tackles some serious missteps in science fiction (mostly when it comes to tv and movies). The two that immediately spring to mind are how under utilized Cptn. James T. Kirk is in Star Trek: Generations and how Harrison Ford is now too old for Star Wars Episode VII, VII and IX. Bonus article below with movies that need a remake.
1980s+90s FILMS THAT NEED REMAKES

DISNEY PLANS AVATAR-THEME PARK! 

 So...Marvel theme park made by Disney? Not happening? Instead we get THIS!?!? UGH. Just so you know, I hate Avatar. I'll get into all the reasons why I hate it (even though it is not really a bad movie) someday. At least, I'm optimistic because Disney's Imagineers and construction crews are phenomenal and it will be in Animal Kingdom which could use some new stuff.

SUPER MARIO CEREMONY! 30th Anniv. Medley 
.
MAMA MIA! Mario is technically 30 years old this year and it really is a huge achievement for a video game character to last that long. Honestly, as long as there is some room for a cartoon character or Nintendo Mario will be around and that makes me happy. One of the first videogames I got and some of my earliest memories are of playing Super Mario Land on the Gameboy. This sweet video gives a fantastic retrospective on the music and art of the last 30 years in this stellar franchise. 

DAFFY DUCK THE WIZARD! 

This is just a fantastic example of how funny the new Looney Tunes show can be. This new Merrie Melodies music video is like a badass heavy metal fantasy trip and is made of win. He fights a demon and casts him into a molten maw. WATCH THIS! 

The new Looney Tunes Show is, like lots of the better cartoons, made for us nerds. Check it.

 

OSBTSF TUES ED. SUMMER OF 101 MOVIES. 1-14

Hello friends and film addicts,

I declared the Summer of 2011 to be my "Summer of 101 Movies!". It wass my goal to watch 101 movies I have never seen or finished by the end of the summer. I decided to put myself through this rigorous challenge after an argument I had with my friend, Zach Stanifer, over the fact that I want to write movie scripts but have missed out on alot of classics and blockbusters over the years. It was in that moment that I decided to challenge myself to expand my pallet and discover what the big screen could do for me through DVDS, Bluray and instant Netflix!

 Here goes my first blurb bomb!

 Quick note on my rating system?
*/5. So Bad Its Good- If I give a movie a "*," that means a special little turd. Its a movie that is so bad that its hilarious (even if the directors didn't mean to make it that way). These movies are great for sharing with friends and tearing it apart. Ex. The Room, Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation, Mac and Me.

 1/5 Kill It With Fire, If I give a film a rating of "1" it means the movie isn't just bad. It is barely a movie or so offensive that to even uses a single sensory organ to witness it would be an insult to the heavens. If I give a movie a 1, avoid it at all costs. The film is pure garbage. Kill it with fire. Ex.  Shrek The Third, Punisher: Warzone, 10,000 B.C. 

2/5. Bad, A movie that lands itself in the bad category means that, while a failure, is not a complete failure. The movie might have some entertainment value, like a good character/scene, but as a whole it fails or is offensive. Ex. Wolverine Origins, Star Wars: Episode I-The Phantom Menace, Hancock.

3/5. Okay, The movie was neither bad nor great. Its probably worth at least once viewing and maybe more if it really catches your fancy. This is probably the easiest rating to give a movie. ex. Night at the Museum, Simpsons Movie, Prince of Persia.

4/5. Great, These are the movie I recommend you check out at least once before you die or it you're just bored. These are the movies that really deserve attention and help elevate film as art and entertainment. ex. Iron Man, How to Train Your Dragon, The 40-Year Old Virgin.

5/5. Favorite, These movies are instant classics....or at least in my book. I reserve 5/5s for movies that I HAVE to own and watch and share with everyone. At some point this year, I'll probably make a list for my top 100 films. Wink. ex. Big Trouble in Little China, Brazil, The Royal Tenenbaums.

1. Dead Alive 4/5. This was the first movie I was challenged to watch, courtesy of Zach Stanifer, and it was a good one to start with. I'm not a huge fan of the horror genre. A horror movie either needs to be scary or funny. Most are boring or gore(AKA snore) fests (ex. Saw franchise, Eli Roth, etc.). Luckily, Dead Alive was a little New Zealand picture directed by Peter Jackson, and much like his version of King Kong, Dead Alive has an evil monkey and an evil island.

A bizarre twist on the zombie genre, this movie is, if anything, extremely original. I was very impressed with the mix of slapstick humor and grotesque, practical special effects. I also liked the stories and the characters. This movie doesn't have the best acting and sometimes airs on the gorey side but its all played for laughs. I recommend this to any horror fan to introducing me to my favorite zombie fighting weapon...The Gas-Push Lawnmower

2. Megamind 4/5. I love animated movies but I am usually weary about Dreamworks. In a world with Pixar, its hard being Pepsi Cola. While, every Pixar movie is a fantastic family film (excluding Cars), Dreamworks regurgitates sequel after sequel and expects us to take it down the old throat hole and the dance. Rant Over. This movie is good.

The story is a play on the old hero creating the villain, villain creating the hero theme with a lot of cute gags along the way. This is definitely a family film appropriate for all ages. Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, David Cross and Brad Pitt all give us great performances and bring the movie to life.

In conclusion, its no Incredibles, but it's definitely on par with the last Dreamworks film, How to Train Your Dragon. It also manages toe to toe with supervillain movie, Despicable Me. Now if only they could avoid the unnecessary dance/party number at the end of every movies...I would be ready to say they can play with the big boys.

3. Highlander 4/5. Gonna keep this one short. The Highlander is a classic and the themes created in the film and its tv series play a big part in my own writing. The movie slows down in a few parts but in general it is a great 80's classic complete with commie hunters, claymores and Queen.

I think I'll have to watch this again sometime later this year and give it a full review. All I can say is if you like Sean Connery, immortal universe princes, sword fights ending with lightning than get with the Quickening and rent Highlander.

4. Summer Wars 5/5. Between the visual cornucopia presented in the 3D online world of OZ, the beautifully drawn castle in the Ueda countryside and the drama/comedy/romance of a awkward stranger thrust into the political workings of a girl's family and the greater world, this film is a modern classic.

Compared to the Network, Tron, the Matrix, etc. for its dealing with the relation between social networking, technology and our generation, this film uses these themes to great effect while refusing to become a nerd-hole. Instead, of the robotic-feel of the original Tron, charming but stiff, Summer Wars managed to remain charming though its human characters.

I recommend this film to any fan of anime.

5. Rent 2/5. I'm afraid this was the first movie of the summer I disliked. The dramatic parts were good. As a musical, I didn't like the songs and found them to be clumped awkwardly together.

The real drawback is when the movie attempted comedy/art and just comes off as annoying. ex. Maureen's show. but that doesn't mean someone couldn't convince me to watch it again but I'm not  doing it alone.


6. Teen Wolf 3/5. Mediocre but harmless. Michael J. Fox is charming as our teenage protagonist but that's kind of the problem. The "teen wolf" premise feels horribly under utilized and instead is used as a metaphor for puberty with a tacked on lesson about popularity. I wanted a mob with pitchforks. Enough said.

7. 7 Samurai 5/5. Let me get what made me give this classic, in my original update, a 4/5, out of the way. This movie is almost 3 and 1/2 hours. An unfortunate side-effect of the time the film was made. Despite its length, any serious film buff should watch this movie at least once, if not twice.

The story is so simple but it has left an undeniable mark on movies, especially Westerns, (despite it being a Japanese movie about samurai). A village is harassed by bandits and a young man who lost his wife suggests they hire samurai to protect them and scare off the bandits. He soon manages to hire 7 samurai for the paltry reward of food and shelter, (which to many arrogant samurai would be an insult), but the samurai who join are either hungry or just honorable. The samurai then work with the villagers before a final showdown with the bandits.

The movie is beautiful, in black and white, but mostly at its core. The lesson I take from the movie? Those who have the power have a duty to help those who have so little.

8. Die Hard 5/5. Bruce Willis. Allan Rickman. Reginald Veljohnson. It is obvious why this movie is not only a classic action movie but one of the best Christmas movies ever made. It teaches the lesson of giving. In this case, Bruce Willis gives the thieving terrorists a fistful of bad ass and a Roy Rogers' "Yippee ki-yay, mother fucker!"

This movie is clever and excited. Bruce Willis gives us an action hero that we can relate to and route for. He is a stubborn New York cop trying to settle things with his wife over the holidays when the building he is in gets hijacked by thugs. Whats a guy to do? Besides, be one of the biggest badasses in movie history.

                                       This movie is a perfect action movie.

9. Full Metal Jacket 5/5.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3woEDTUbDYg&feature=player_embedded
A very thought provoking film on the Vietnam war and war, in general. I don't have much to say about it without giving it away. Everything is top notch from the soundtrack to the script to the screams.

10. Big Fan 2/5. I am a big fan of Patton Oswalt. This movie is a very heavy film that tries to be thought provoking but comes off disturbing and upsetting. I expected a little more comedy with my drama and a little more conclusion with my climax. Skip it.

11. Gojira & 12. Godzilla: King of Monsters. 3/5 & 3/5. Both films are better than the average monster flick and have a good message(although a tad bit confused).  King of Monster is actually just an Americanized spin that literally takes the first movie and adds clips of an American 50's cliche smoking/narrating. Gojirra is superior because of its tension and drama. King of Monsters has little tension.

13. Clash of the Titans (2010) 3/5. This film was the definition of a 3/5. It was entertaining but not worth a second look. I was especially pleased with some of the themes about the relation between god and man. The special effects were also pretty good except for when it went into "we're obviously doing this for 3D" bull.

Sam Worthington, once again, made me question why he keeps getting work? Or at least, the kind of work he does. He has no presence or charisma. When you throw him up again Liam Neeson or Ralph Fienes, he pales in comparison to their performances and, rather ironically, comes off as a weak man.

14. Green Hornet 3/5. This film begs to be a 4 but I just can't do it. They really should have called it "Kato in The Green Hornet" as the sidekick tends to steal the show in every scene. Seth Rogan should be commended for his writing in this piece and I am especially proud that he was so willing to write his guy as an egotistical dick that we have to work to like.

The movie is rather forgettable. Lets blame it on Cameron Diaz. What? She is a movie/scene blackhole. She is annoying, wooden and fake.

And that my caped crusaders and corpulent comrades is Week 1.

Feel free to comment about the movies I've reviewed.