Sunday, April 1, 2012

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/1/12. Part 1.

vampire [vam-pahyr]
1. An undead creature that sucks the blood of humans; unless you're a Cullenses, in which case deer is on the menu.Vampires begin their lives as humans, unless they're horrible half-demon-baby-bella monsters named after the island where you boinked, and are turned by another vampire who injects them with a venom (which is totally not a metaphor for sex or stealing virginity).

These fierce beings are far more feral than they appear and are known to hiss and pose like supermodels to intimidate their foes.When they sense danger, they will instinctively crouch like they're going to poop, and use their spider senses to find the root of the danger.The fight with a series of slaps and bites that would make Chris Brown proud.

They have no souls.

Supernatural powers of vampires include but are not limited to:

The super speed and agility of a poorly choreographed matrix effect

Superhuman dullness

The ability to sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight

The ability to put on contact lenses

Being fabulous

Superhuman stalking abilities.

Mouth breathing.

The ability to perform a c-section with teeth. Yes, really.

The ability to sense when they're catatonic human pet is in danger.

Did I mention the sparkling?

They can only be killed by being ripped apart and burned. No garlic, holy water, or sun does the trick. Or raptors. Those get the job done.

EX. Edward bumped his stupid vampire head against the window at the side of the science classroom. Bella looked up, gormlessly, and sighed,"Damn, I want to have his half-demon baby."

Drawn in Drawception.

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