Friday, June 20, 2014

MY E3 2014 TOP TEN*! *Excluding Nintendo (WORD OF THE DAY! 6/20/14!)

cinerarium [sin-uh-rer-ee-uhm]
1. A place for keeping the ashes of the dead after cremation. (The place? All over Big Boss's face!)

E3 is super duper over and, unlike last year, I gotta say I couldn't find as much enthusiasm when it came to watching or covering the events. I went out of the way to watch it last year, when I didn't have a job, but this year, between a bad internet connection and a long week, I only took the time to watch the Nintendo conference...

And apparently I didn't miss much. I could've predicted the games that Ubisoft, Sony, Microsoft and E3 would be showing off at this year's conference. Mostly because most of the big games were either sequels to games that came out last year....or the games were already revealed last E3.

To be blunt, there were very few shocking revelations and that's kind of disappointing to someone who's becoming more and more disinterested in buying an Xbox One and PS4. Eventually, I will have to pony up some cash to play exclusives, right? Well, I suppose there were some cool trailers, at the very least, and that's today's subject. So here are my "TOP TEN TRAILER OF E3 2014*".

*Not including Nintendo games, since Nintendo would dominate half of this list with ease.

No surprises here. This is the trailer I had to share immediately after watching it and it is the trailer I've had to watch over and over again. Why?

Because Metal Gear. Not good enough? Let me elaborate.

It isn't really the gameplay. In fact, there are games that do elements of Metal Gear's gameplay much better.

Some people criticize this trailer as being melodramatic, but isn't that the point? Metal Gear Solid is about allowing yourself to be swept up in the ridiculous melodrama of a slightly cyberpunk world designed by pushing every element of design, visual and audio, to the limits to imbue every politically thick and convoluted storyline with "cool" and sexy imagery. If it took itself too seriously, it would be overbearing. But it doesn't. And that's what makes it so cool. So special. So...


Seriously, Vaas should be the mascot for Ubisoft. Why?

Because of the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Ubisoft, for better or worse, lives by that creed. (Check out #7 or, "Wow, another awesome trailer for an Assassin's Creed game that is a glitchy but gorgeous open world assassin game in an interest setting/time that probably has a horridly convoluted story".)

Still, I really liked Far Cry 3. I don't think I really liked it as much as some other people and yet I can't help but think fondly of the experience. The fact that they've adopted having a compelling villain as being a hallmark of the series after Vaas is great (and really, I don't see why this should be something they and other game makers haven't figured out).

I can't wait to see the messed up little "paradise" that Pagan Min has created in the mountainous Kyrat, especially while riding an elephant.

I love Halo. Halo is the series that sold me on the original Xbox and Xbox 360. Halo 2 was the first multiplayer game I played online.

And I would love to play Halo 2 and 3 in gloriously remastered graphics (seriously, Halo 2's cinematics look like arse).

Is it sad that this is probably the first "next gen experience" that makes me wish I had a next gen console? Yes.

Space travel? Check. Exotic planets? Check. Eye-bleeding graphics? Check. Good music? Check. Alien dinosaurs? Check.

It's not wonder that No Man's Sky is quickly becoming the most anticipated new game franchise with every new piece of game footage released.

Look at this game! It's a classic side-scroller platformer with Megaman like elements of combat but, rather than using bland 3D or recycled faux 8-bit graphics, the game looks like a gorgeous piece of rubbery animation of yore!

Stylistically, I can't think of a game that looks even remotely like Cuphead and I can't wait to play it.

Rinse and repeat.

Still, like always, the trailers for Assassin's Creed games are, undeniably, exciting.

Even if I'm tired of them.

I've heard some people were disappointed when actually playing the demo at E3 but if the game has an ounce of the self-aware comedy and style of this trailer, it'll at least be a refreshing but shallow experience.

Is it just me or does Nathan Drake look more like Liam Neeson the older he gets? Am I or anyone else going to complain about that? No.

Anywho, I wanna put this higher on the list because Uncharted is one of my favorite series, but the trailer is pretty unenlightening.

Is it a coincidence that I played Far Cry 3 and the Tomb Raider reboot back to back but, while I played them they seemed slightly mediocre, I actually remember them fondly?

Nope. The games have a lot of similarities and were the perfect games for an unemployed graduate with a lot of time on his hands.

Here's to hoping Square Enix can go two for two!

It looks and sounds like Miyazaki film.

We live in a magical time.


This is actually a pretty funny commercial. So, you're probably wondering why I put it as a dishonorable mention?

My friends know. I'm sick of zombies. I think a lot of people are, actually, starting to grow sick of zombies too. What hasn't been done with zombies yet? The answer is nothing. If you have to resort to making a game about zombies, you've run of ideas.

Remember how amazing the trailer for Dead Island was back in like 2011? Remember the stupid , gory, and generic mess we got instead? I'm still bitter about that bait and switch.

On a side note, I would still love to play Left 4 Dead 3 because, unlike Dead Island, that series isn't a hyped up, dumb mess.

But seriously man...

Why the fuck does everything have to be about zombies? I'm sick of zombies. Unless you have a good idea involving zombies, like, I dunno, a game where you're a zombie and trying to convince your still alive friends that, despite your condition, that you're not going to eat their brains, then stop making the same two or three recycled games. Don't even try. Give up.

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