Tuesday, October 4, 2011

DAILY ROUND-UP! 10/4/2011


So dang tired...check out these "flash backs" AKA internet things I've saved links to over the years.



My only caveat for a new Hollywood Godzilla movie would be
1. No Matthew Broedrick (sorry).
2. No stupid scenes where a huge ass lizard manages to lose a couple of helicopters.
3.Godzilla better have atomic breath.
4. There should only be one godzilla.
5. No baby godzillas.
6. No "That's a lot of fish!"




Legend of Zelda: The Four Swords just got a release for DSi and 3DS, for FREE, to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Zelda. If you got a DSi or 3DS download this awesome game. It'll be free until February.







I discovered this incredible animated film earlier this year after watching a review from Nostalgia Chick. It truly is a lost classic and has some fantastic animation, characters and takes a lot of risks. My favorite thing to do is watch the movie and mock what an obnoxiously snob the Unicorn is and this sing pretty much encapsulates why she is the most annoying character in the film.




Doesn't get much better than Tobuscus doing these awesome literal trailers of these video game trailers. WIN.





"I love all you ponies. Except for Ponita! Who is a ridiculous pony!"

OSBTSF TUES ED. SUMMER OF 101 MOVIES 15-26

Hello friends and film addicts,

I declared the Summer of 2011 to be my "Summer of 101 Movies!". It wass my goal to watch 101 movies I have never seen or finished by the end of the summer. I decided to put myself through this rigorous challenge after an argument I had with my friend, Zach Stanifer, over the fact that I want to write movie scripts but have missed out on alot of classics and blockbusters over the years. It was in that moment that I decided to challenge myself to expand my pallet and discover what the big screen could do for me through DVDS, Bluray and instant Netflix!

 Here goes my second blurb bomb!

 Quick note on my rating system?
*/5. So Bad Its Good- If I give a movie a "*," that means a special little turd. Its a movie that is so bad that its hilarious (even if the directors didn't mean to make it that way). These movies are great for sharing with friends and tearing it apart. Ex. The Room, Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation, Mac and Me.

 1/5 Kill It With Fire, If I give a film a rating of "1" it means the movie isn't just bad. It is barely a movie or so offensive that to even uses a single sensory organ to witness it would be an insult to the heavens. If I give a movie a 1, avoid it at all costs. The film is pure garbage. Kill it with fire. Ex.  Shrek The Third, Punisher: Warzone, 10,000 B.C. 

2/5. Bad, A movie that lands itself in the bad category means that, while a failure, is not a complete failure. The movie might have some entertainment value, like a good character/scene, but as a whole it fails or is offensive. Ex. Wolverine Origins, Star Wars: Episode I-The Phantom Menace, Hancock.

3/5. Okay, The movie was neither bad nor great. Its probably worth at least once viewing and maybe more if it really catches your fancy. This is probably the easiest rating to give a movie. ex. Night at the Museum, Simpsons Movie, Prince of Persia.

4/5. Great, These are the movie I recommend you check out at least once before you die or it you're just bored. These are the movies that really deserve attention and help elevate film as art and entertainment. ex. Iron Man, How to Train Your Dragon, The 40-Year Old Virgin.

5/5. Favorite, These movies are instant classics....or at least in my book. I reserve 5/5s for movies that I HAVE to own and watch and share with everyone. At some point this year, I'll probably make a list for my top 100 films. Wink. ex. Big Trouble in Little China, Brazil, The Royal Tenenbaums.

15. Interview with the Vampire. 4/5. I can see why this is such a classic vampire flick. It established a modern vampire mythos by using the creative backdrop of an interview between a skeezy Christian Slater and our main character, Louis. He tells the tale of his life from his low beginnings to his turning to his search for the meaning of vampire life.

The actor who really steals the show is, of course, Tom Cruise, hamming it up as Lestat. Playing up the bromance between his more dubious vampire and sensitive "vampire with a heart" works well, especially when placing the little lady of the film, Claudia, played by a young Kirsten Dunst. between their two philosophies. The thing that keeps this movie from being a repeat watch is how the second half drags after a premature climax between the two main characters in the middle.

16. Terminator. 5/5. Its a classic thriller/action flick with the man himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, as the unstoppable robot killing machine from the year 2020, or something like that. This is a great example for all those directors and writers out there that wanna create an interesting thriller.

The action is effective, the characters are likeable and the mysteries to be solved, allow it to become more than the repetitive mess that most "unstoppable killer" flicks could possibly contend with.



17. Babe: Pig in the City. 4/5. This is a perfect example of a good sequel and a great family movie. Just as heartwarming as the original, it used the timeless children's move formula of piling tragedy upon tragedy, with a happy ending always on the horizon.

The comedy in this movie does tend to go from slapstick to animals talking but the sobering reality of it all keeps it from becoming too silly. The one thing this movie has over the originals is visuals. With a sequel, its always important to push the envelope, and the clever visual effects used to depict the "city" and its atmosphere are extremely enchanting. A must watch film for fans of the original.

18. True Grit (2010). 4/5. This is a pretty solid Western film from the Coen brothers. I don't have many complaints and was pleased with the overall production and was especially fond of all the performances. Its more of a dark comedy than anything.

Jeff Bridges, as the Dude- Rooster Cogburn, nails the pain and heart that lies in a tough, tough man, while he helps little Mattie, played ably by Hailee Steinfeld, get her revenge. A surprisingly amusing performance comes from pancake head, Matt Damon, who gives us a LaBeouf that isn't fight annoying robots but instead is a somewhat corny Texas ranger.

19. Killer Clowns from Outer Space. 3/5. It is a funny and weird horror flick with interesting special effects but a really odd premise. Is is scary if you're scared of clowns? Hell yes. If not, the scariest line? "We don't want to hurt you David. We just want to kill you."








20. All-Star Superman. 4/5. This movie poses two questions. Why does the world need a Superman and what would Superman do if he knew he was dying. Both are answered, in full, in this great example of WB animation.

The voice acting performances, the story and the style of animation, much like from the Superman/Shazam flick, was superb and stand up against big budget live action film. I'd go far to say that this was my favorite superman film.






 21. Sorcerer's Apprentice. 2/5. Blame it on whiny Jay Baruchel and mediocre comedy for making this movie a pain to watch. The concept of the sorcerers, Merlinians vs. Morganians, etc. and the plot in general could've made a great movie but the tone they took ruined any chances for that.

Specifically, the PGification of this movie, with a tacked on romance subplot that literally irritated every moment that it was mentioned or seen(and it came up far too often). An especially irritating scene is when they "pay homage" to the original Mickey Mouse animation they ripped the title from by having Jay summon mops to clean up his place...before his girlfriend comes...and completely dilute the glorious visuals and tone of the original premise.

All in all, avoid this highly disappointing film and rent Fantasia on Bluray instead.

22. Astroboy. 4/5. A pleasant surprise- this family film is about a little boy robot who is half-Frankenstein, half-Pinnochio and half-Superboy. Based on the classic manga and cartoon character, created by legendary Osamu Tezuka, the film is a pleasant modern realization of Astro Boy in CG animation.




This movie bombed at the box office but I was very impressed by how the style was adapted to the world and how the film created a very stylyized and interested world of the future. The sci-fi themes presented of robot oppression, father/son relationships, Frankenstein monster, etc. were all done artfully and weren't beating the audience of the head.

In the end it is a cute feel-good movie that manages to come off as charming, despite its use of CG. Would it have been better with 2D animation? Certainly. Is it still worth a watch with the kids? Certainly.

23. Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader. 2/5. It is a puzzling why Fox would pick up the Chronicles franchise from Disney, after the second movie bombed and make a third flick that, in retrospect was a bad idea. This movie is mediocre.

It especially fails in its pacing. At 2 hours long, most of the movie feels like padding, and the first half is far too drawn out, while the second act is far too fast. The special effects took a noticeable drop in quality from the first two films, as well, especially noticed in the effects created like the buildings, ships and anything large, (dragons, cough). All of the performances were perfectly acceptable but the way the characters were written was frustrating.

First, I would like to get the main pain out of the way, the cousin. The two younger siblings of the first two movies are heroes and are tagged along by a very obnoxious cousin. I wanted to see terrible things happen to him because he was more cynical than a movie critic! The other grating character decision was the way that Lucy, who was once a Queen for 100 years, acts like a self-conscious princess in the majority of the film.

In the end, the last straw is Aslan. While in the first two films, as in the books, it is obvious that he is an allegory for Jesus Christ, the new film oversteps its preaching. While I enjoyed the first movie, (the animated one and the disney one), I never felt like I was being beaten over the head with christian allegory, despite Aslan becoming a martyr and rising from the dead. In this film, Aslan basically lets slip he is in fact, GOD. I'm not sure whether its annoying or offensive but I certainly didn't find it enjoyable.


24. Basket Case. 1/5. Despite hopes that this supposed horror staple would be a "so-bad-it's good" scenario, the movie turned out to be anything but entertaining except for a few instances. In the end, I felt like the movie had wasted my time and even my horror movie buff friend, Zach Stanifer, was left thoroughly disappointed.






25. Thor: Tales of Asgard. 3/5. Marvel animation tends to pale in comparison to DC for one reason. Bruce Timm. The story was okay but the style was a little weak, especially when it came to women, who were drawn as if they have weird triangle fish lips....and so forth.

The movie isn't really anything to recommend, feeling rushed and awkward at times. I guess the real problem is that its a "Thor as a teenager" scenario and just like the gangly teenage design that he was given, this film just just doesn't leave much of an impression.


26. Social Network. 4/5. Sean Barnes likes this. What makes this movie work? The dialogue and the acting. What keeps it from being a classic or rewatch in my book? The story is basically your "behind the band" cliche flick, complete with two best friends, with one letting himself get caught up in the popularity and fame, getting lead astray and abandoning the other. Its clever but not genius.










The End.

WORD OF THE DAY 10/4/11

Word of the Day

grisly [griz-lee]
adjective
1. causing a shudder, feeling of unease, or horror; gruesome; ghastly.
2. formidably grim.

bluster [bluhs-ter]
verb
1. to roar and be tumultuous as wind.
2. to be loud, noisy or swaggering;to utter loud, empty menaces or protests.
noun
3. boisterous noise and violence.
4.noisy empty threats or protests.

blustery [bluhs-ter-ee]
adjective
1. gusty


EX. Christopher Robin would never forget that blustery day. He had entered the Hundred Acre Wood, with great care, before finding a grisly sight. A great yellow bear blustering as it fought off a razor-toothed piglet, a vicious rabbit and a springing tiger. In the background, he could spot an apathetic mule laying in its own crapulence as it watched the scene unfold.

DAILY ROUND-UP! 10/3/11

Batman gets to have all the fun.

KID'S REACTION TO "EMPIRE STRIKES BACK" REVEAL! SPOILERS!

I really don't even remember when I saw the "big reveal" from Empire Strikes Back but, honestly, it is one of the greatest twists in modern cinema and will stand the test of time. Take that M. Night Shamalamadingdong. Now if Lucas could just stop raping the original trilogy and put out a new trilogy, before I get too cynical to care, my life will be pretty sweet.







Pokemon can be pretty whack, yo.


Legos? Check. Lord of the Rings? Check. A huge battle scene complete with ents and the Tower of Isengard? OVER 9000 CHECKS!






Its when I see incredible pieces of animation paired up with brilliant music that doesn't even have 100, 000 views, much less the multi-million that a cute cat video gets, that I am reminded of why I blog. Check this out. ITS GODDDDDDSLLAAAAYYYYYERRRRR!






The internet loves unicorns but what is the ying to their yang? Narwhals. Narwhals are the most bizarre animals in the kingdom of large sea mammals thanks to a large tusk they have that curls into a shape that we usually associate with unicorns. The animated video above is an awesome parody of anime like Princess Mononoke and Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind.






Some day I'll tell you guys about my character, Bat-Dick.

Monday, October 3, 2011

MUSICAL MONDAY! THE BOOK OF MORMON

Musical Monday!




Hello, my name is Brother Nerd and I would like to share with you The Book of Mormon (The Musical). It's a musical about the American Christian religion based on the Prophecies of a prophet "with a little Donny Osman" flair, Joseph Smith. The Book of Mormon is premier Broadway musical of the creators of South Park, Matt Parker and Trey Stone. But don't worry, it is far less offensive than their usual stuff (which I love with a passion) and has been shown to Mormon audiences with a generally positive reaction. 

It is a fantastic show that tells the story of two Mormon youths going on a Mission to live with a Uganda tribe, how the experience changes the tribe and how the boys' experiences change their lives, as well.

It is a brilliant and hilarious show that has a simple message, that religions can be a force for good but we shouldn't take it too seriously. I recommend this show to anyone who is a Mormon, has been Mormon, knows Mormons or just loves musicals.


WORD OF THE DAY. 10/3/11

Word of the Day
 
transmogrify [ trans-mog-ruh-fahy]
 verb
 1. to change in appearance or form, especially strangely or grotesquely; to transform.
 
transmogrification [trans-mog-ruh-fuh-kahy-shun]
noun
1. the process of changing from one form to another, especially strangely or grotesquely; transformation.

EX. "FATHER!?" The boy turned around just as the wizard teleported to his Moon Palace and kidnapped the boy's father, leaving a seagull in his place,"Father!? What wizard did this to you? What manner of transmogrification is this?"

Sunday, October 2, 2011

WEEKLY ROUND-UP 9/25-10/1 2011

WEEKLY ROUND-UP:
Chimera Week


This picture combines elements of the two most infamous fantasy universes of all time and pits the wizard of one story against the diabolical obstacle of another. Every time I see Gandalf face off against the Balrog, I shiver and replacing him with Yoda is a brilliant bit of fanart creativity. This also helped mark the continuation of my less essay styled Word of the Day articles that free up some time in a school schedule that is driving me nuts.







Conan the Barbarian (1986) is one of my favorite films, but I hadn't seen it until last year. Why did I decide to check out the film that I (for some odd reason, being a fan of Schwarzenegger and sword & sorcery) had no interest in before last year? The Kaplan Bros. made an incredible musical medley of the soundtrack with Conan singing over it on youtube. I rented it and fell in love with the film and the soundtrack- which is my favorite film soundtrack (as of right now).






I finally reviewed the Cage film I had planned to review for a few weeks. I'm on a bit of a Nic Cage kick...so maybe I'll review Drive Angry for this week.



Got a little emo on my stuff I think about this week but, honestly, I think it was tongue and cheek enough to be amusing and maybe a little touching. I hope. If not, tell me? Tell me if it came of a little too "How could this happen to me? I made no mistakes." Etc.





I got to talk about one of history's biggest and most controversial badasses. I am a huge history nerd, though I prefer content over exact dates/names, and love to tell a ridiculous but true story.




The fourth chapter in my serial style novel. This week I introduced an even more fantastic character and forced all of the other characters introduced into one room. Finally, we understand why they've been brought to Doktham and can see that we won't be leaving the dark depths of the Underwold for a good long time. On the note of Lucius, this character is far more dubious than the other heroes introduced so far and I hope I got his perverse observations across nicely. This chapter is dedicated to my friend Zach Stanifer, who has played Lucius in my main campaign for nearly a year.

OSB, TSF. POETRY JAM #3

 Memphis: A Response to William Blake's London
By Sean Barnes
I wonder if you would wander
near the Mississippi river view,
to mark the proud and the humbler,
mark the liars and mark the true.

In the thunder of the night heat,
in the crack of the horse's heel,
in heavy voices, in heavy streets,
some hear the call of the blue Beale.

Music flows like cheap beer to the floor.
A musician's paint, a painter's hymn,
escape for the rich, for the poor,
a poet's prose and writer's rhythm.

But as the night gives way to day,
cool air sobers the waking dead.
They all stumble down and away,
and off to the safety of bed.

2011

Word of the Day. 10/2/11

Word of the Day

.

innuendo [in-yoo-en-doh]
noun
1.an indirect or subtle reference about a person or thing, especially of an insulting or disparaging nature.

EX. Thor is not the master of innuendo.  

MIXED BAG. DISRUPTIVE PANDA.



Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't dream of pandas or dream of pandas but make sure to have lots of bamboo on hand and to give it generously.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

NERD CULTURE SMACKDOWN #4 HISTORY'S BIGGEST BADASSES! #1 CAPTAIN JOHN SMITH

NERD SMACKDOWN PRESENTS 
HISTORY'S BIGGEST BADASSES!  #1 



 I am a college student and have a double major in English and History. This means that I look at the latter of my two majors with a very different light than most of the stuffier history loving crowd that insists on the facts and nothing but the facts. History to me is one giant anthology of different stories and accounts, with fantastic and fascinating characters and all genres. This is why I decided to begin this series of articles, History's Biggest Badasses, which will list off hero after villain and list of the stories that explain their bad-assery. An important note is that history is often more fiction than fact and these articles are more fiction than history. I will probably embellish a little, here and there, and make mistakes. Leave comments if you take up issue with anything I said but just try to have some fun. Also, feel free to suggest some other bad asses.

CAPTAIN JOHN SMITH
1580-1631


Let's get the obvious out of the way. Disney's Pocahontas was not just a bad historical film but a bad animated film in general. To those who nostalgically cling to the film, to each their own. To those who are offended by the film? Get over it.

What's bizarre is that rather than get some random Broadway singer to portray the princely (rather than short and portly) Captain John Smith, they went with Mad Frickin' Max. Furthermore, the John Smith in the film is the idealized version of Smith, complete with being blessed with magical powers (he can talk to the natives), being a master warrior, and an all-around good American (um, he was British? And he was being played by an Australian? Weird?) 


But the thing about John Smith was that his story does not begin in Jamestown. It begins with a humble British farmboy that filled with a desire in his loins to see the world. James was a mere 16 years old when he left home, probably pockmarked and punk rockin'. He soon became a mercenary and his record was rather impressive. 

He fought in the army of Henry IV of France against the Spaniards, fought for Dutch independence, then set off to the sea where he, basically, became a pirate. As a pirate he fought in the Long War against the Ottoman Turks. He killed a buttload of Turks, first under Austrian Habsburgs in Hungary and then again under Raudu Serban in Wallachia. He is reputed for killing and beheading three Turkish commanders in duels and was rewarded with a Transylvanian Knighthood and a coat of arms, bearing the heads of three turks. 


Nice try, b****es!
In 1602, he was injured and battle and became a slave, which was probably no big deal to Smith. In fact, after his Ottoman master sent him to his Greek mistress as a gift, Smith turned things back in his favor. Using his powerful manliness, Smith soon fell the Greek mistress under his spell, and probably after tricking her with some clever wordplay or distracting her with his hypnotic body, he managed to escape. He then traveled through North Africa and Europe before finally, after years of craziness, made it back to good old England in 1604.

John Smith started telling anyone willing to hear his story about his incredible exploits and became a celebrity in London. In 1606, he began his travels to Virginia but not all was well. Smith had a bad habit of mouthing off and being a little too bad ass. In fact, he was put in irons for his actions on the trip to America.

But it was soon discovered that in the ship's orders from the Virginia Company, which wasn't opened until they arrived, put John Smith in a leadership position (sparing him having to come up with a badass way to escape his execution). It was then that John Smith began showing off his managerial skills in Jamestown. His first big encounter with the natives came when Smith went on a little expedition to look for food (Jamestown was starving).

With only a half dozen men, he made his way upriver, and searched for the natives. He believed the natives would have food and that he could trade for it. He soon saw some natives on the shore and asked if they were willing to trade some food for supplies. The settlers were obviously quite unhealthy, because the Native Americans could see just how gaunt they were, and mocked them with paltry offerings. Basically, they would hold up a kernel of corn and offer it in exchange for Smith's breastplate. Unfortunately, they did not know John Smith. John Smith don't care. John Smith don't give a ****! He "let his musket fly" and began shooting at the natives. Smith and his crew soon forced the natives to submit and begrudgingly befriend him.


After basically saving Jamestown by being a ballsy maniac with a musket, new began to spread, and it probably wasn't long before the natives knew Smith by name. In fact, in December of 1607, Smith went on another expedition that was not so immediately beneficial. He left his two companions, who had fallen asleep, to go duck hunting with their native guides. When he returned, the two were stone dead and he was surrounded (purportedly) by 200 natives. This is when Smith goes absolutely bat-poo crazy. After grabbing his native guide and "bound [the guide] to his arm with his garters and used him as a buckler, yet he was shot in his thigh a little, and had many arrows that stuck in his clothes but no great hurt, till at last they took him prisoner." 


Let's break this insane, cruel and badass moment down. John Smith, a fat, short British guy in a breastplate, armed with musket and saber, and only aided by his native guide faced off against 200 hundred native men. He then grabbed the guide, strapped him to his arm and used him as a FRICKING MEAT SHIELD! The guide is never mentioned again, so it can be assumed he was filled with arrows (which is f***ing horrible) and Smith survived and was taken prisoner, after being shot in the leg and his clothes poked with arrows like a porcupine. John Smith is either just a fantastic liar or a total badass!
Next, he was taken before King Powhatan and spent six or seven weeks as their prisoner, where they were obviously impressed by him enough to keep him alive, well fed and entertained. John became weary when the natives got him nice and full and were preparing a ceremony. He assumed the worst, that they were going to eat him. They forced him down and placed his head between two stones. The King grabbed a club and Smith was sure his brains were going to be bashed in. Pocohantas then embraces him and rather than doing what John Smith feared...Powhatan had actually just performed an adoption ceremony. He had literally just made John Smith, a Transylvanian knight, former pirate, and Jamestown badass, a native American prince.

Not only did they return him to Jamestown but he, very likely, saved the colony. After his return, Pocahontas (for the lover of the colony as a whole, not Smith, she actually ended up marrying a a John Rolfe and moving to England...) brought food to the colonists during hard times and very likely helped them stave off starvation. John Smith then wrote out his epic adventures and today I can relay them to you.