Hello friends and film addicts,
I declared
the Summer of 2011 to be my "Summer of 101 Movies!". It wass my goal to
watch 101 movies I have never seen or finished by the end of the summer.
I decided to put myself through this rigorous challenge after an
argument I had with my friend, Zach Stanifer, over the fact that I want
to write movie scripts but have missed out on alot of classics and
blockbusters over the years. It was in that moment that I decided to
challenge myself to expand my pallet and discover what the big screen
could do for me through DVDS, Bluray and instant Netflix!
Here goes my third blurb bomb!
Quick note on my rating system?
*/5. So Bad Its Good- If
I give a movie a "*," that means a special little turd. Its a movie
that is so bad that its hilarious (even if the directors didn't mean to
make it that way). These movies are great for sharing with friends and
tearing it apart. Ex. The Room, Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation,
Mac and Me.
1/5 Kill It With Fire, If I give a
film a rating of "1" it means the movie isn't just bad. It is barely a
movie or so offensive that to even uses a single sensory organ to
witness it would be an insult to the heavens. If I give a movie a 1,
avoid it at all costs. The film is pure garbage.
Kill it with fire. Ex.
Shrek The Third
, Punisher: Warzone, 10,000 B.C.
2/5. Bad,
A movie that lands itself in the bad category means that, while a
failure, is not a complete failure. The movie might have some
entertainment value, like a good character/scene, but as a whole it
fails or is offensive. Ex. Wolverine Origins, Star Wars: Episode I-The
Phantom Menace, Hancock.
3/5. Okay, The
movie was neither bad nor great. Its probably worth at least once
viewing and maybe more if it really catches your fancy. This is probably
the easiest rating to give a movie. ex. Night at the Museum, Simpsons
Movie, Prince of Persia.
4/5.
Great,
These are the movie I recommend you check out at least once before you
die or it you're just bored. These are the movies that really deserve
attention and help elevate film as art and entertainment. ex. Iron Man,
How to Train Your Dragon, The 40-Year Old Virgin.
5/5. Favorite, These movies are instant classics....or at least in my book. I reserve 5/5s for movies that I
HAVE
to own and watch and share with everyone. At some point this year, I'll
probably make a list for my top 100 films. Wink. ex. Big Trouble in
Little China, Brazil, The Royal Tenenbaums.
27.
Escape from New York. 3/5 A rather amusing dark
and comic vision of a future that seemed possible when crime ran rampant
and New York City was a cesspool of villainy. Today, New York is
probably about as classy as its ever been but one part of the film's
vision has come true. A world in which prisons are so overcrowded people
become desperate for a solution. 1 in 100 Americans are in prison.
Despite
this depressing reality, this apocalyptic thriller is more about an
incredulous anti-hero played by Kurt Russel, Snake Plissken. He has two
options, find and retrieve the President from New York City (which has
been turned into a super prison) in 18 hours or die. The film is rife
with interesting characters but Snake is obviously the star.
In
the end, it is a satisfactory film but nothing special. Its inevitable
that Hollywood will remake this but less likely and more horrifying that
they will try to redux Big Trouble in Little China (which is one of my
favorite movies).
28.
Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan.
5/5. It doesn't take long for me to realize why this movie is such a
classic in the sci-fi genre. It is an epic space opera of Shakespearian
proportions. In a clever turn, an old story thread from the original
series comes back to bite Captain Kirk, as a genetically engineered
megalomaniac tactician from the end of the 20th century, Khan (Ricardo
Montalban), escapes his exile and wants revenge. The tale that follows
is about two men, Khan and Kirk, in an epic struggle of wit and will.
The
sights and even more so the sounds are on par with the latest Star Wars
film to come out at the time. The score was especially effective.
Khan's theme is iconic and appropriate. As for the acting, while hammy
at times, it is ultimately effective because of the chemistry between
the principle cast of the original show and the poetic tone of the
piece.
Ultimately, out of all the Star Trek films I have watched, Wrath of Khan is the most... human.
29.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
4/5. This Star Trek film stands out from its peers because it is not
about action, adventure or tragedy. If anything, this is a comedy- a
fish out of water, time travel, environmental message comedy. The plot
is a preposterous. The crew of the Enterprise is returning home after a
long and stressful adventure. Yet, before they arrive home, Earth is
being destroyed by a mysterious and massive probe that is dehydrating
the seas. They soon discover the probe is communicating in the language
of the humpback whales, which by the 23rd Century are extinct. So in a
ditch effort to save the present, out heroes must go back to the past,
steal some whales and bring them back...to the future.
What
follows is a silly tale but what keeps it from becoming annoying is the
charm of the principle cast. The chemistry of these characters is the
glue that held these movies together. Its a fun movie and just remember,
"There be whales here!"
30.
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
3/5. I think the reason this movie is disappointing is, despite the
fact that it tackles larger issues (like the existence of God and how a
man should deal with his guilt), in the end it lacks the epic feel
necessary to pull of such large issues. The movie feels like a made for
tv movie or an extended episode of the original series and even has a
plot that comes straight out of their older style.
The real thing that kills this movie is that the conclusion is too obvious.
31.
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. 3/5.
A political thriller/murder mystery/prison break movie set in the
Trekverse. An intriguing concept and pulled off ably. The drama feels a
little overwrought and, despite the aged Kirk and his loss in the other
movies at the hands of Klingons, it is difficult to believe that the
humanist Kirk bears such a grudge against the Klingons. The basic plot
is the Klingons want peace because their home world will be destroyed
without the help of the Federation. They are sending their commander in
chief to a diplomatic meeting on Earth and the Enterprise is chosen
because Kirk is a badass. Treachery is afoot between those in the
Federation and those in the Klingon Empire, who don’t want peace and
want to frame Kirk for the assassination of the Klingon president.
In the end, the drama is fair and I will say it seemed an improvement over The Final Frontier.
32.
Old Boy. 5/5.
This is a brilliant movie but I don’t think I could watch it more than
once. A psychological thriller complete with an insane protagonist,
insane antagonist and a lot of craziness in between. The basic premise
is that a family man is kidnapped and kept isolated in a room for 15
years. While in the room he learns martial arts and goes completely
insane. The whole time he plans his escape and revenge. But who is
responsible and why?
As stated before, the action,
choreography, direction and writing are all superb. The only thing I’m
not sure about is the acting. It appeared sufficient but I was watching
the dubbed version which seemed to ruin some more dramatic scenes. In
the end, I recommend this watch to anyone looking for a complex foreign
film but make sure you put on subtitles.
33.
Die Hard with a Vengeance.
4/5. Some of the messages in the film were a tad heavy handed and the
scheme/events were more implausible than the first film but overall this
film was a more than satisfying action flick. Jeremy Irons plays
“Simon,” the brother of the villain from the first film and wants
revenge on John McClane. He uses bombs and riddles to keep John (Bruce
Willis), his unwilling partner Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson) and the plot
moving.
My favorite part of the film was the chemistry between these two actors and Jackson hitting up his best talent, yelling.
Zeus: Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you?
John: Guy back there called you Jésus.
Zeus: He didn’t say Jésus. He said, “Hey Zeus!” My name is Zeus.
John: Zeus?
Zeus:
Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or
I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with
that?
John: No, I don't have a problem with that.
34.
Mega Piranha. 4*/5.
As a honest to goodness film?
1/5. But, as a so bad its good film?
4*/5. The
film is hilariously stupid and poorly made. Why? I can sum this one up
in a few examples. 1. The hero knife fights piranhas in the water and
bicycle kicks them on the shore. 2. The piranhas are better actors than
the people in the film. 3. Piranhas the size of elephants crashing into
hotels.
35.
Fire and Ice. 4/5. A classic
animated film from the collaborations of Ralph Bakshi and Frank
Frazetta. It’s your classic pulp fantasy story. Evil wizard vs. young
warrior. A lot of stuff happens in between with loin cloths, battle
axes, cavemen and what I like to call “Batman the Barbarian”. The film’s
greatest strengths come from its dedication to the genre and the
animated rotoscope style that really works well with the physicality of
the fighting in this movie with all the flexing muscle and twisting
bodies.
Yet, it is in the physicality that we find the
weaknesses of the genre keep this film from being truly perfect. The
film is short and ticks in at around 1 hour and 10 minuts. About 10
minutes worth of screen time are spent zooming in on the ass of the
woefully underdressed and always clean Princess’s round ass. These old
tropes truly show their age in a time when a teenager doesn’t need this
kind of t & a in a movie to get off (thanks to the porn filled
internet).
In fantasy of old, it was basically poorly
disguised porno with a lot of violence thrown in to keep it
interesting…or is that the other way around?
36.
Green Lantern: Emerald Knights. 4/5.
Call me a sucker for anthology of short stories from DC but when they
keep making them so well I can’t say no. This one covers my favorite
comic book characters, the Green Lantern Corps. The movie’s animation is
gorgeous and exciting to watch. The stories, especially the one about,
“Mogo Doesn’t Socialize,” were all excellent and showed various elements
that make the GLC so cool.
Where the film slips up is in
the Abin Sur story and conclusion. (Atrocitus looks atrocious but not in
a good way). In the end, I gotta say:
In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!
37.
Lost in Translation.
4/5. A sweet little romance/drama about two people stuck at crossroads;
Bob Harris (Bill Murray) is a down and out actor having a midlife
crisis and Charlotte is an underappreciated wife of a photographer and
is not sure what to do with her life. The two meet in an alien land,
Tokyo, and through each other try find themselves in an insomniac limbo
that they don’t understand.
The film lives up to its name
because in the end some things are lost to the alien atmosphere
presented in the film (for better or worse).
38.
Krull. 2/5.
I
may have to chock this one up to my mood at the time but I had trouble
finding anything for this film to offer me. The tone and pace of the
movie felt weird. Also, the characters were annoying and lacked the
charm of this kind of fairy tale. (Especially, the shape-shifting wizard
who turns into animals)
39.
Drunken Master. 5/5.
Not
only is this a classic kung-fu film, it also the film that launched
Jackie Chan into stardom. The film is a bit of a cliché tale but the
brilliant choreography and pacing of this film keep it from feeling
drawn out. A young martial artist is talented but has embarrassed his
father with his shenanigans. As such he is sent to train with his uncle
So-Hua-Chi, the Drunken Master, who teaches him the “8 Drunken Gods”
technique.
The film provides a great showing of Chan’s slapstick inspired martial arts in a way I’m happy to experience it.
40.
The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens.
1/5. The only magical part of this movie is how I was convinced to
watch it and the fact it exists. This is a straight to DVD cash-in on
the Potter Craze that quickly becomes a rip-off and total piece of
Canadian garbage. I could go into all the ways this film rips of the
Sorceror’s Stone, how stupid it is, how crappy every technical aspect of
it is, how every actor is terrible but in the end I have to say one
thing. They ruin whimsy!
41.
Chocolate (2008).
3/5. But 4, if I was comparing it to other Thai action films like Ong
Bak. The story is a mix between Rain Man and Kill Bill. It’s about a
girl with autism and super martial arts skills trying to get money back
from people who owe her cancer sick mother so they can afford her
treatment. What keeps the movie from being better is that when it’s good
it’s good and when it’s bad it comes of silly.
42.
Star Trek: Generations. 3/5. Generations is a fairly decent Trek film that touches on some big
questions. Much like Star Trek V but instead simply goes after
heaven/the afterlife. The questionable place that the movie’s villain
Saren (Malcolm McDowell) is trying to reach is “The Nexus”. What makes
this film stand out most is the main focus of the film is Picard
(Patrick Stewart) and his crew with only a few cameos from the original
cast. If the movies have done anything for me it is this:
I might need to watch the Next Generation.
43.
Demolition Man.
4*/5 or a 3/5
as a serious film. This is a rather entertaining Stallone vehicle that
stands out head and shoulders above the rest thanks to its interesting
premise and amusing jokes. It won’t take long in my short synapsis of
this film for you to realize that this movie is best viewed as a parody
of all dystopian future movies (I hope that was the idea). John Spartan
(Stallone) AKA The Demolition Man, is a super cop so badass that every
building he leaves explodes, literally. It’s a running joke in the film.
After capturing Phoenix, (Wesley Snipes) a megalomaniac crimelord,
Spartan is put in “cryojail” for killing innocent civilians that were in
a building he blew up. The two lay in cryo stasis for about 50 years-
that is until the bumbling warden, wakes up Phoenix. There are two
problems with this. Phoenix was supposed to be reformed while asleep. He
wasn’t. He is deadlier than ever. Furthermore, society has devolved to
such a point of wussiness that no one can stop him from committing
“murder death kills”. So, how do you stop Super Phoenix? Release the
Spartan.
What ensues is an action comedy about a fish out
of water in a strange world. The political implications of this plot
point toward a future where everyone is weak, sensitive, considerate,
polite and meek and according to the film…this also makes everything in
society go wrong. A curious film that both feeds on the clichés of its
genre and suffers from them, Demolition Man is a perfect movie to pop in
and watch for laughs.
44.
Troll 2. 5*/5. Troll
2 is a movie so bad that it’s star grew up to direct a documentary
called, “Best Worst Movie.” Troll 2 is just that. Every aspect of the
film is poorly conceived and everything about is terrible. From the
infamous acting to the ridiculous writing to the mere fact that despite
the fact it’s called Troll 2…it’s about GOBLINS!? To explain the plot
would require me to ramble on like a mad man about a little boy, who
sees his dead grandfather, going on vacation to the country town of
“Nilbog,” where inevitably the residents, who are actually shape
shifting goblins plan to turn all humans they catch into plants and then
eat them.
Despite how bad it is, Troll 2 is a lot of fun to watch, especially with a group. This is rightfully the king of bad movies.
“They're eating her... and then they're going to eat me... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!”-Arthur, Troll 2
45.
The Crow. 4/5. The
Crow is a somewhat infamous cult classic of gothic themed imagery and
super hero clichés. To get this out of the way, it’s infamous because
its star Brandon Lee died during filming after a tragic on-set accident
involving firearms. The actor’s final performance is commonly considered
his best and the film was a box office hit. The film follows the
revenge plot of a reanimated spirit/ Neil Gaimanesque vigilante who goes
on the hunt for the thugs who killed him and raped/killed his fiancé.
While
a bit cliched and deep into superhero/action/etc. tropes what keeps
this movie a head above being mediocre is the visual dark orchestra that
is all at once evocative, inspiring and unique.
46.
The Howling. 4/5. The
Howling is rather well-produced werewolf film that stands out in the
genre for a few reasons. It tackles human hang-ups on
sexuality/physicality through the graphic story of werewolves, stalkers
and the talking head media. Our story revolves around a young reporter
doing a story to catch a man they believe to be a prolific serial
killer. They kill him just as he is revealing something so horrifying to
her, that she blocks out the incident and is left psychologically
scarred. So what is a girl to do? How about go to a retreat with her
husband for a little rest and relaxation. It soon becomes obvious that
there is more to the retreat than she could’ve ever imagined.
The
reason this isn’t just your average monster flick is because of its
impressive special effects and the emotional weight that the characters
carry.
47.
American Werewolf in London. 5/5.
After watching this movie for about 30 minutes something became
obvious. This is the best werewolf film ever made. Our story starts out
with two American boys backpacking it through Northern England. David
and Jack are attacked by a werewolf, the latter being killed, and David
being knocked unconscious for nearly a month. After waking up in a
hospital, David isn’t quite right. He begins having horrifying dreams
and seeing Jack who tells him he is a werewolf and he should kill
himself. The movie leads you on a terrifying, thrilling and bitingly
funny ride as David falls in love with his nurse and comes to terms with
what is happening.
Everything about this movie is well
done. John Landis really makes the movie a classic as the
writer/director, creating an original story that manages to evoke old
fears and classic imagery, while creating its own lore. The acting is
satisfactory, the music is funny but what makes this movie a classic is
the effects. Ironically, it’s not the werewolf effects that impressed me
here. It was the effects of his dreams and hallucinations. One dream he
has is awesome and could’ve been mined for its own movie about Nazi
werewolves.
In the end, my favorite effect was that of the
deceased Jack. At first, Jack just looks kind of dead but by the end of
the film he is practically skeletal. It’s disturbing, hilarious and
awesome. This movie comes together for an experience that’s hard to
forget.
48.
Cobra. 3*/5. This is
a very dumb Stallone movie where Sly strives to play a cop who is a mix
of Dirty Harry and the Fonz and purports a message that basically says
all cops should kill without mercy. Why is it got an asterisk? It is
hilarious in its absurdity. Let me list of three examples of the
stupidity. First, Sly drives a black oldsmobile with the license plate
with the license plate: "Awesom 50". Next, Pepsi sponsors the movie and
it is so blatant that Stallone’s house is practically a neon billboard.
And lastly, everyone in this movie is stupid from the dumb whimpy ass
cops to the never-give up, no matter how many of us die, cult members.
That's just a taste of the stupid this movie has to offer.
49.
The Thing. 5/5. The
Thing reminds us that horror can be the perfect genre to produce genre
and teach us about human nature. As a short story The Thing could win
awards and as a movie it stands the test of time as one of the most
influential horror movies of all time. The story is simple. Open on an
American research station in Antarctica and we’re introduced to our
central character/hero/anti-hero, R.J. McReady (Kurt Russell). A strange
alien creature that wiped out a nearby research facility starts taking
out the members of the base in hours. What makes the creature so
terrifying? It adapts quickly and makes perfect copies of those it
kills. Anyone of the crew could be a monster in disguise.
The
setting is perfect for this scenario, after all, what could be more
nerve wracking and isolated than an Antarctic research station.
Furthermore, the practical effects, sound track and acting are all
perfectly tuned to the story. This is just about as perfect a horror
movie as I can possibly imagine.
50.
Poltergeist. 4/5. While
a satisfactory horror movie, a couple of things bothered me about it.
Before I get into that, let’s talk about the plot. Family has been
living in a newly built house for about 4 years and odd paranormal
things start happening when they begin digging a pool in the backyard.
Turns out they’ve disturbed the dead by building on a graveyard without
moving the bodies. The ghosts kidnap the youngest child and won’t return
her until their souls are taken to the next plane. I’ll get to my
gripes after I talk about what was done well. The special effects and
second half of the movie are pretty good and scary.
Yet,
the premise is a tad silly because odds are, unless your home was built
in Antarctica or on solid rock, you’re within a hundred feet of where
somebody died and/or was buried. So the message of this movie about
respecting the dead…or something is lost. What really killed this movie
was the obnoxious family. I didn’t like any of the family members that
much. The parents were dopesmoking idiots, the eldest daughter was an
annoying teenage stereotype who mocks the death of a family pet, the son
is a bully/weirdo, and the little girl is just well creepy.
51.
Godzilla Vs. The Thing/ Godzilla Vs. Mothra. 4/5. This
film is often considered to be one of the best Godzilla films in the
series and even more so among the “vs” films. Like most Godzilla films
it has an anti-nuke/war/pollution message that is played in the
background of Godzilla facing off against other creature(s). In this
case, we have Mothra, a giant moth god of a small island people, who is,
surprisingly, benevolent. In fact, despite the Japanese stealing
Mothra’s egg, she agrees to fight Godzilla to save the egg despite the
fact that she will die if she does it. This movie also stands out
because of the weirdness. Oh, and Mothra can only communicate through a
pair of doll sized twins with psychic powers. All in all, it lives up to
the series.
52.
Airplane. 2/5. This is
probably blasphemy and I’m ashamed to give this rather brief explanation
but this movie was boring despite it being known as one of the best
spoof films ever.
53.
Tales from Earthsea. 3/5. If
Pixar is the American animated film studio who can do know wrong
(except for Cars) than the Japanese equivalent is Ghibli Films, headed
by the Japanese Walt Disney, Hayao Miyazaki, who can do know wrong
(except for Tales from Earthsea). In fact, while I’ve enjoyed every one
of the studios films, this film is the only one that was just mediocre
and it shouldn’t be. The unfortunate problem is that it was helmed by
Miyazaki’s inexperienced son. The film comes off as a mess and can be
boring. What’s frustrating is the visuals of the film are incredible and
the idea of a swords/sorcery Ghibli film should’ve been the most
brilliant movie I’ve seen this summer.
54.
Nighthawks. 3/5. Sylvester
Stallone and Billy Dee Williams spar off against a terrorist, Wulgar
(Rutger Haeur), in the very definition of a mediocre film. This film has
more faults than admirable qualities. The first problem is Stallone
feels terribly miscast. The film is about a pair of street cops who are
pretty much the best in Brooklyn. Well, that’s what it seems like, but
let’s not forgets our villain. A mercenary terrorist for hire, Wulfgar,
is on the run from Interpol after a botched bombing of a London shop
that results in his identity being discovered. Wulfgar ends up in
Brooklyn and Interpol hires our street cops to an anti-terrorist
mission. Stallone’s character struggles between a recent divorce and his
reluctance to kill without hesitance. Soon, its battle of…somethings
between Wulfgar and Stallone after Wulfgar cuts Billy Dee’s face.
Really?
The only thing that makes this film compelling is
Wulfgar, who is very well developed and unsettling. He is a no-nonsense
woman killing, bomb expert and political villain. Haeur really gives it
his all when the film really doesn’t deserve it. Oh and if you ever
wanted to see Stallone in drag…check it out.
55.
Megashark vs. Giant Octopus 1/5 but 4*/5.
This is another cheesetastic syfy movie but, unlike the comparatively
ridiculous Megapiranha, it somehow manages to make less sense than our
economy. Simple as hell premise, at least. Giant Octopus and Megashark
are unfrozen from a glacier and kill people. Scientists have to stop
them. What makes this movie hilarious is the other worldly abilities of
the monsters. Megashark eats a battleship (that’s not even the most
ridiculous thing he eats) and Giant Octopus must really hate oil rigs
cuz he tears one down. The other notably amusing part of this movie is
the romantic subplot between our female American scientist (who is a
complete dumbass) and our male Japanese scientist (who is a George
Takei-like badass). All in all, this cheestastic film has everything you
could want in a terrible monster movie.
56.
The Excorcist. 5/5. My
one struggle with this film is that, despite it having the title of
scariest movie ever made, it didn’t really scare me. Yet, it was a good
horror movie and kept me interested all the way to the end. It really is
a film of superb quality that never lets itself become boring or
frivolous. The plot is extremely simple but the characters are not. A
little girl is possessed by a demon and a young priest, whose mother
died, struggles to find a way to save her from the possession. The film
deals with a lot of themes from the obvious religious themes, to those
of death, guilt, forgiveness, faith and the unknown.
57.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. 4/5.
This would be the perfect harry potter movie, after all since the fifth
movie the chemistry of the cast has been perfect and the effects/tone
have been just right. What keep it from being perfect is the things that
were corny in the books were kept and the things that were awesome in
the book were nixed.
My most personal fan issue with the movie was
the final battle. The final battle lacks the poetic ending that the
book gave us. Instead, we are treated to a light show. This really is my
problem with the latter movies (I consider the 5th-8th to be superior
to the first four films). Magic in the books is far less showy or big.
For example, in the books it’s a big deal that Voldemort can fly without
a broom but in the movies everyone turns into smoke, smashes into
things and wait…I bet that saves on choreographing an interesting fight.
The final battle lacks any emotional content. It reminds me of the Star
Wars franchise. The lightsaber duels in the original trilogy are not
that visually exciting but evoke a past/emotion that the flashy/spinny
lightsaber fights in the prequels cannot match. Rant Over.
In the
end, after ten years of films, I have to say this is a satisfactory
conclusion to one of the greatest fantasy film sagas of all time.
And stay tuned for the final repost of last weeks blurbs and the first weekly post of this summer's blurbs in a far more palatable format.
