Sunday, December 4, 2011




As I said in the aforementioned blog entry linked above, I love Dungeons and Dragons. I have been playing, more or less, once a week every week for the last couple of years and I have no plan of ever stopping. All the time I have spent playing tabletop boardgames and pen-and-paper role-playing games with my friends have been some of the best times of my life. I don't think there is any harm in divulging yourself in a fantasy for a few hours a week. The fact that I get to provide that fantasy is one of my proudest and most beloved things about being me.

For the majority of time I have played, I have been the Dungeon Master. For those of you who don't know, the Dungeon Master (or DM for short) is responsible for creating the game world, populating them with characters and monsters, telling the story, determining the adventure, and, for all intensive purposes is the god of the game world. As an author, this gives me the greatest chance to improvise fantastic world, creatures and scenarios in a way that is, above all else, entertaining.

Today's article is a continuation of the story linked above. So I recommend you read that article first before reading this one. Here goes.

The Lizard of LOLZ: Donkeys Will Fall

After watching their companion, Chris the Thief Prince, get sucked into the magical book, Dulin the son of the Chief of the Golden Lion Tribe and Justin the son of a gnome tinkerer considered their options. After a moment of debate, they leaped in. After a moment of falling through the technicolor stratisphere, a couple of rainbows and the fluffiest clouds imaginable they found themselves on terra firma again.But they weren't in Kievo anymore.

They found themselves standing in the middle of a village of queer little huts made up to look like cartoonish mushrooms and flowers. They also heard the bleating groan of an overturned donkey nearby and under the donkey were a pair of legs sticking out with glowing red boots. The donkey groaned, "Oh shit. You must be the guys that knocked me out of the sky! Way to go!" They apologized and tried to help the donkey up but he was too large. 

As they stopped trying to help the talking donkey up, the townfolk, little goblins dressed in the most bizarre of clothing. The goblins called themselves the "Munchlins" and explained that our heroes had in fact killed the Wicked Biatch's sister, Nicole. They sung a song of celebration for the heroes in thanks. Unfortunately, the celebration was interrupted by the Wicked Biatch!

She was pissed to see her sister crushed under the donkey and started laying down the curses on our heroes when she is interrupted by the arrival of a glowing pink bubble of positive light. The Wicked Biatch retreated but promised to have her revenge. The pink bubble was a good witch, Pepto. 

After hearing of how our heroes need to return home, she tells them travel along the Yellow Brick Road to Emeraldopolis and the Lizard of LOLZ. She explained if anyone could help them out, it would be the Lizard. To help them on their quest, she tells Justin to take the Ruby Red Boots and put them on. When Justin put on the boots they were transformed. Justin found his skin become like iron, Dulin found himself covered in fur, and Chris found that his skin had taken on the quality of burlap. Perturbed, they quickly made their way down the road.

So, our heroes began their travels on the Yellow Brick Road. They soon found another group of goblins waiting in ambush on the sides of the road. The goblins came out and threatened them. They explained they were "Gobkins" and were enemies of the Munchlins. The heroes beat them up and left them on the road.

The next part of our story involves three mishap encounters with increasingly hilarious and desperate results. First, they came upon the River of Tears. The River was said to drown anyone who smiled. So, our first two heroes made it across relatively easy. After all, a cat-like man and a tin-covered man aren't going to enjoy getting wet. The last to cross was Chris, who laughed "That wasn't so hard!" just when he was about to get out and would've been swallowed up the river if the other heroes hadn't grabbed him and pulled him up just in time. Then, our heroes made their way to the Field of Dreams across from the city.

The field was strange and hazy. As our heroes crossed, Chris noticed a strange cotton candy like floss covering the flowers and reached down to try some. Poof! He fell down into the flowers, unconscious, and a giant spider made of crystal came skittering across the top of the field to sink its pincers into Chris. The other heroes reacted quickly and killed it. 

The final challenge between our heroes and the Lizard was a rope bridge known as the Bridge of Baby Laughter. With each step, on each plank, a giggle is let out. If the heroes looked down, the plank they stood on would fall out from under them, and, sure enough, Chris looked down. He probably would've fallen to his death if not a desperate prayer to his goddess, Ladiana AKA Lady Luck. He managed to grab a branch hanging out of the cliff face. The others managed to wrap a lasso over him and pull him out before he fell to his death.

They made their way up the hill and to the entrance to Emeraldopolis. They knocked on the door and the Doorman opened a little slot to talk to them. He told them to go away. After the worst day in his life, Chris the thief prince began to cry and sob. Seeing the tears, he managed to touch the Doorman's heart, and he let them in.

They were then led inside and down the hall to meet the Lizard. To almost no one's suprirse they were greeted by a giant green dragon. The dragon told them that he would help them under the condition that they each pass a special trial and defeat the Biatch. They agree. The dragon sends them each to a different room.The first test is for Chris the Thief to solve a puzzle in , the second test was for Dulin to pick a door, one with certain death and the other certain salvation. The final test was that Justin had to choose between his friends and escaping the book. Refusing to choose, Justin attacked the dragon, and it tumbled back revealing that it was in fact being controlled by the Door Man. The Door Man released the heroes and explained he was, in fact, the gnome book store owner's brother, Lolz. He wrote the book and tried to use a spell to make it like the Dimensional Books. It worked but then he got trapped inside. He explains that the only way to escape is by killing the Biatch.

They soon get their chance as she assaults Emeraldopolis with her flying monkeys. The heroes try and fight her off but it seems she is too powerful. They only stop her when Justin grabs her wand, swings it, and tries to call down lightning on her. Instead, another donkey falls from the sky and crushes her where she stands. Thankful for their assistance, Lolz admits he wants to stay in his kingdom, and tells them that they had what they needed all along to go home. After tapping the heels of the boots, three times, and saying the words, "There's no place like home!" The heroes soon found themselves back in the book shop, returned to normal, but Justin still had the boots and the broom of the Biatch.

Thus concluded the first story arc of the Story Book campaign. Thank you.

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