Wednesday, May 30, 2012

WTF WEDNESDAY! SNOW-FLAME & THE NEW GUARDIANS!

WTF WEDNESDAY PRESENTS

SNOW-FLAME & THE NEW GUARDIANS #2

Imagine a world where DC Comics wants to try and create a new type of super hero; heroes of various genders, races, and sexualities. Such heroes would be chosen, from Earth's stock, by the Guardians of Oa to start a new master race and replace them. After all, the Guardians have screwed up a lot and have made more super villains than ironic names (with a name like Chris Cretin, you're kind of fated), so the idea of replacing them seems natural. The potentials stories to be told with this diverse cast could change comics forever.

If this comic was done competently and not in 1988. Instead of a stirring comic worth reading, we get some of the most bizarre scribblings ever. First of all, as pointed out by Linkara (his reviews of the first two issues, linked below), out of the potential breeders for this new master race; one is made of disembodies cosmic energy, one is a stereotypical gay Doctor Strange, one is a plant man super villain, one who was already married, one who was a robot, one who had aids, and, basically, we're left with a cyborg who, as far as we know, doesn't have a working piece of wiener, and three females, two of which have the same super powers. The Guardians suck at their job.

Yet, the series lives on infamy for one awful super villain and one awesome super villain. Issue #1 sees the heroes fighting a vampire with aids created by white nationalists, "The Hemo-Goblin". He is killed off and never brought back again. The DCU is a better place for it. But the other villain? The other villain got robbed. The other villain...is SNOW-FLAME!

Holy crap! I don't even....how do you even...Let me retype what this guy is saying, just in case your eye-balls don't work. "I am Snow-Flame! Every cell of my being burns with white hot ecstasy. Cocaine is my god and I am the human instrument of its will!"

Snow-Flame is a drug lord super villain who's powers are literally fueled by cocaine!

Just...click the link to Linkara's review of New Guardians #2 to check it out and, if you like it, click #1 for a look at the pathetic Hemo-Goblin.

THE NEW GUARDIANS #2 Introducing SNOW-FLAME!

THE NEW GUARDIANS #1 !

And arguably, even cooler? How about a fan comic about Snowflame fighting the Justice League?


DC needs to reboot this character, today.

2 comments:

  1. Now -that- is funny. For the record, I would pay real monies for a 4-issue spinoff series of Snow-Flame.

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  2. I kinda want to see him fight Arsenal (The Red Arrow). Red Arrow was one of the first heroes to have drug problems and a foe who is empowered by drugs/addiction would make an interesting nemesis.

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