WORD OF THE DAY! 3/12/12

nerd rage [nurd-reyj]
noun
1. An unstoppable fury that builds up in the black cockles of every nerd's heart until it explodes in an often clumsy, destructive, and/or embarrassing outburst over a trivial event.
2. The unearned anger that results from a nerd's sense of entitlement.
3. The deserved result of a film maker or other creative (or arguably) uncreative member of the media's failed attempt at making a franchise produce that doesn't offend its fans.

table-flip [tey-buhl-flip]
noun
1. The violent and inevitable result of a nerd's rage raising to such a boiling point that only a major disruption will diffuse the raging beast within.

EX. I think an example, save the image above and the image below, is unnecessary.

TOMORROW...

.....THE STATUS QUO STRIKES BACK!

MIXED BAG. TOY REVIEW: DOCTOR WHO: The 11th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver

MIXED BAG PRESENTS:

A Toy Review

Doctor Who: The 11th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver

WATCH THE REVIEW HERE!

 Sorry about how bad the video turned out, but its my first attempt. Unless after a couple more tries I discover some incredible editing software and find a little more confidence in making these videos, I have a feeling I'll switch over to podcasts instead.

NERD CULTURE SMACKDOWN #5 WHO-LLOWEEN Pt.1

NERD SMACKDOWN PRESENTS

WHO-LLOWEEN

^ SOURCE

There is something special about Halloween. It could be the soursweet smell of candy corn or the ring of your doorbell with an inevitable, "Trick or Treat!" I believe it is the spirit of embracing the horrific with a laugh. Children, young and old, dress up as the ghastliest of ghouls from poltergeists to politicians or as their favorite characters from Disney Princesses to Doctor Who.

Doctor Who's greatest strength is that, because its a show about an alien and his human companions traveling through time and space, there is no limit to the kind of story that can be told. The best Doctor Who stories involve the strange and terrible monsters that combine the best elements of horror. British parents tell their children how they used to hide behind the couch when the Daleks came on TV but  they lack the same punch. Sure, Daleks are a great match for the Doctor, but it is hard to be scared of them. They're basically a mix between Marvin the Martian, R2 D2 and wasps (What? If wasps could they would "exterminate" every living thing on Earth). The scariest Doctor Who villains are the ones who hold the mystery.

So, to celebrate Halloween I will talk about the scariest monsters of the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctors. Starting this week, we have

THE EMPTY CHILD

Appearances: Series 1(2005): The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances TRAILER

Powers: The Empty Child cannot die, he can punch through concrete walls, he can communicate through any device with a radio transceiver and he can spread his will through touch (and eventually the air). If infected by The Empty Child, you soon grow a scar on your left hand, then a gas mask grows out from your mouth, over your face, and you lose everything you ever were, becoming just an extension of his army.

Weaknesses: He is just a child and can be coerced like a child. A lullaby can lull him to sleep and a stern authoritative command can send him away. Yet, even these weaknesses can be ignored if you're in the way of The Empty Child's misson.

Motive: He wants his mummy?

Catchphrase: "Are you my mummy?"

^SOURCE

MIXED BAG. QUOTES OF THE NERD KIND.

WEEKLY ROUND-UP! 9/11-9/17 2011

WEEKLY ROUND-UP

This is my first one of these and basically it'll sum up the top 7 posts of the last 7 days.

7. WORD OF THE DAY. 9/11/11 Protagonist/Antagonist

I really liked this word of the day cuz it allowed me to explore the relationship between heroes and villains. I use the examples of Conan the Barbarian vs. Thulsa Doom, Naruto vs. Sasuke and Batman vs. The Joker. I followed this article up a couple of days later with gumption which focused on underdogs.

6. NERD CULTURE SMACKDOWN #2 Nerd Vs. Arino

This is really what Nerd Culture Smackdowns are all about. Difference of opinions but of course mine is most important until people comment more *cough*.

5. STUFF I THINK ABOUT- SOCKS

A chance for me to stretch my anecdotal skill and weave a tale that waxes the philosophic. This is a tale of anguish, confusion and sillyness. I am quite happy sharing thoughts like this with you guys because my goal, as a writer, is to make the mundane fantastic and the fantastic mundane.

 4. WORD OF THE DAY. 9/17/2011 Goblin

I don't think a lot of readers saw this one but I really enjoyed writing it. Goblins are my favorite Dungeons and Dragons creatures and so I just had to give them correct attention they deserve by explaining what they are in full and talking about what role they play in my fantasy world.

3. SCI-FI FANTASY FRIDAY! ACTION SOCIETY #2

Speaking of my fantasy world, I posted the second chapter of my fantasy fan-novel (based on my experiences in a recent Dungeons and Dragons campaign) and introduced the second character in the cast, Justin Shavers's Aramil, the Half-Elf Ranger. I really enjoyed writing his chapter because it was a lot more action oriented. It was also interesting to get under the skin of this very serious guy and to give you guys more insight into the world of the Wold, Beniro and Doktham City. Check it out and please leave some criticism, advice and questions. I'll have the next chapter up this coming Friday.

2. MUSICAL MONDAY! FRIGHT NIGHT: THE MUSICAL

I loved writing this post because a) I got to talk about the Kaplan Brothers for a little bit and b) I got to explain why Fright Night is my favorite vampire movie by dissecting the transformations of my three favorite characters.

"You're so cool, Brewster!" -Ed, Fright Night (1985)

1. WTF WEDNESDAY 2 THE BOOK OF POKEMON Pt. 1

This post is the one that I think really sells my talent as a writer and observer of nerd culture. It is an absolutely ridiculous biting satire of the pokemon anime mythos (I am a huge Pokenerd). I use it as an excuse to poke fun at the ridiculous story at hand, while adding my own insanity. This is my favorite post of the week.

Enjoy it while you can, zombie bait.

NERD CULTURE SMACKDOWN #2 Nerd Vs. Arino

NERD SMACKDOWN PRESENTS

"Let's Play" has become a sub-genre of review/critic shows that specifically involve a host(s) playing a videogame until completion. Some Let's Play videos involve a critique of the game and other's just focus on completion. Two shows I have been watching that involve this type of video come from extremely different styles of hosts with different shows. Today, I'm going to talk about the two hosts and their shows as a discussion of these radically different strategies to this sub-genre. 

 HIS LATEST EPISODE!

First up we have The Angry Video Game Nerd, hosted by James D. Rolfe AKA The Nerd and originally the Angry Nintendo Nerd (crazy right?). His career at the nerd didn't really take off until 2004, when he started doing reviews for cinemassacre.com. Originally he focus on Nintendo titles but to prevent copyright issues and to diversify the Nintendo Nerd became the Video Game Nerd. Yet, why is he so angry?

The Nerd's show focuses on classic games from 80's and 90's era of video games. Unfortunately, even though there is plenty of shovelware today, the quality of even the top selling titles of those decades could be dreadful. For one, there seem to be a lot more movie/comic book/television show adaptations, and though a few titles have been great (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game), the majority are complete garbage. Furthermore, the games have begun to show their age, use faulty equipment (power glove) and, though there are guides/cheat sheets today, it is easy to see how frustrating titles could be from the era. 

Kill it with FIRE!

Thus, is the Nerd's duty to review these older, and usually crappier titles, and in doing his videos use sink into two modes. Sketches which usually sink into vulgarity and ranting. Yet, his sketches are funny and he uses colorful language like Mozart used music. It's easy to see why the nerd is so furious when he has to review so many terrible games. He even reviews the worst Mario game of all time, which I still own, Mario's Time Machine.

Thus with a trusty Rolling Rock beer in one hand, a power glove on the other and a Nintendo controller in both, it is the Nerd's job to revisit and verbally destroy the games that ruined long periods of innocent children's childhoods. For that I salute him!

On the other hand, nerd rage is not the only way to pursue video game reviews and bashing bad titles isn't the only way. Even The Nerd reviews games that are just harder. There is something more complex about older titles and their simple graphics make it somewhat hypnotic to watch. This is the idea behind the Japanese show GameCenter CX (ゲームセンターCX Gēmu Sentā Shī Ekkusu).

 CLICK HERE FOR THE LATEST EPISODE!

Arino uses cooling/heating pads to aid his concentration.

GameCenter CX (ゲームセンターCX Gēmu Sentā Shī Ekkusu) is better known as Retro Game Master by the American audience (its what I call it). The show was picked up in June by kotaku.com  and every Thursday they have posted a new translated video on their site, complete with subtitles and an English narrator. The host of the show is Shinya Arino, half of the Japanese comedy duo, Yoiko, AKA The Kacho (section chief). Yet, why is he the Kacho?

Retro Game Master has been running for 12 seasons since it's premiere in 2003. The show originally was about Arino interviewing and touring video game companies. A portion of the show was also dedicated to a challenge, with Arino playing a difficult retro game, and trying to defeat it. By the second season, the show shifted to focus on these video game challenges. Usually, Arino as the Kacho has to beat a difficult retro game in 24 hours (sometimes longer) and we get to join him for the ride.

While the Nerd searches for retribution, the Kacho is on a quest for completion. The show usually includes a short history of the classic game the Kacho is about to enjoy, commentary on the game's bosses, techniques and harder elements, but mostly is about Arino playing to win. There are also portions where the Staff (usually Assistant Directors) will offer advice or help in a title. The games are usually some of the hardest and his resolve keeps him going. He laughs off his deaths and in a 45 minute periods build a rapport with his audience. You feel his anguish and relish his victories.
 

 He isn't the best gamer and seems to know little about the games they are about to play. The sets are simple, a desk in an office, next to a window (usually used to show the change of time) and there are not a lot silly sketches. The show is all about the Kacho, his quirkyness, his laughs, his cries of anguish and his failures.Sometimes he realizes he has been using the wrong strategy after hours of play and sometimes uses cheap methods to overcome but that doesn't matter. You want to see the Kacho overcome!

Honestly, the Nerd and Arino couldn't be more different in their style, experience and over all philosophy when it comes to videogames. For a more casual video, running around 10 to 30 minutes, the Nerd is great. But if you're looking for an experience for about 45 minutes, Arino is your man for the job. Either way they have one thing in common! Despite the Nerd's rage and the Kacho's quirks, they both love video games!

For a great side by side analysis, check out their episodes on Ninja Gaiden below.

THE KACHO TAKES ON NINJA GAIDEN!

THE NERD TAKE ON NINJA GAIDEN!

NERD CULTURE SMACKDOWN! #1 POKEMON GENERATIONS.

NERD SMACKDOWN PRESENTS

POKEMON: GENERATIONS

All Five Generations of Pokémon Starters*.

 

"My Name is Oak. People affectionately refer to me as the Pokémon Professor. This world is inhabited far and wide by creatures called 'Pokémon'. For some people Pokémon are pets. Others use them for battle. As for myself, I study Pokémon as a profession. But first tell me a little bit about yourself. Now tell me, are you a boy or a girl? Let's begin with your name. What is it? Right, so your name is Blue. This is my grandson. He's been your rival since you both were babies. Ohj, what's his name now? Er, was it Gary? That's right. I remember now. His name is Gary. Blue, your very own Pokémon legend is about to unfold. A world with dreams and adventures of Pokémon awaits. Let's go!"-Professor Oak, Pokémon Blue

How good was 1998? Pokémon Blue & Red were in the hands of millions of boys and girls from Tokyo to Timbuktu. The games, anime and cards, as well as all the other merchandise became a phenomenon. Nintendo had brought their biggest franchise since Mario to the fold. It was awesome. The first 150 Pokémon were beloved characters that almost all the children I knew loved and still love today. Those games were followed up by Yellow, which I loved to play on my Super Gameboy

In 1999, rumors and news started spilling in about a whole new game with a completely new generation of Pokémon.  It was about this point that some people declared Pokémon to be a wavering fad. Instead, this started a tradition that has led to, after 13 years, 5 generations, 3 main series titles per generation (still pending on one for 5th gen), tons of spin-offs and remakes and one of the biggest video game franchises of all time. A new Pokémon game is guaranteed to be a best seller. It prints money!

But with 5 generations? Which are the best? The follow is a break down of my ranking of the five generations, an explanation, and analysis. Every generation has good Pokémon and bad Pokémon. This is more related to my personal taste and feel for each gen.

First, lets break down the main series.

Generation 1 includes: Blue, Red, Yellow and 151 Pokémon.

Generation 2 includes: Gold, Silver,Crystal and 100 Pokémon.

Generation 3 includes: Ruby,Sapphire and Emerald and 135 Pokémon.

Generation 4 includes: Diamond,Pearl,Platinum and 107 Pokémon.

Generation Five includes: Black, White and 156 Pokémon.

5th Place: 3rd Generation

This generation feels extremely generic, to me, and suffers because of poor coloring. On one hand, I really like the game mechanics added in 3rd Generation and Emerald was a great game but in the end, I found everything just feels "blech". 

Worst Pokemon of 3rd Gen?

Luvdisc won out over Chimecho and Minun/Plusle because Luvdisc is really just another water type and its design is terrible. Probably the laziest of all of the designs and leaves nothing to be desired. It is the worst of the lazy filler Pokémon.

Best Pokemon of 3rd Gen?

Aggron is awesome. He is a successor to a long line of awesome pokemon, originating with Nidoking and Nidoqueen. Its a bada** dinosaur with metal armor. It's like a samurai. It has a pretty sweet movepool and typing. I love Aggron. He only beats out Ludicolo because he is a little cooler.

4th Place: 2nd Generation

I remember fondly enjoying 2nd generation but it has a couple of faults. Several cool looking Pokémon from this generation, ex. Ampharos, were given terrible stats and move pools. Other Pokémon, less deserving, like Miltank destroyed everything. The coloring was only a little better than 3rd Generation.

Worst Pokemon of 2rd Gen?

While I liked the idea of pre-evolutions of  some pokemon that would allow you to get a Pokémon like Electabuzz earlier through training Elekid (who I like), in general, baby Pokémon brought NOTHING to the table. Igglybuff is hideous, poorly designed and useless. Pichu sucks, but at least it is cute.

Best Pokemon of 2nd Gen?

I was torn between Ampharos (under powered), Tyranitar (overpowered) and this guy. Why is Hercaross special? He looks cool, he has a great typing, great movepool, great stats and a great name. Most importantly, he is an embodiment of the spirit of the game. Pokémon was based on the idea of Japanese boys loving to collect bugs, especially beetles. CROSS! HERACROSS!

3rd Place: 1stGeneration

This is super controversial but allow me explain. Most people love the original 150  Pokémon. I loved them. Before I had any games or cards, I bought a book, containing just the original 150  Pokémon. I read it too death. Literally. I had to buy a new copy to replace it. So why does 1st place 3rd? The main reason is it sets up a lot of bad ideas, like the Magnemites and Dugtrios. The real reason is that I really love the mechanics and Pokémon of 4 and 5 just a little more.

Worst Pokemon of 1st Gen?

 Probably the most controversial Pokémon of all time, Jynx was disliked because people thought she looked like a person in black face. I don't really get that, if anything it is a Japanese Ganguro Girl, which is more of a parody of the Californian girl. I dislike Jynx because she is just horrifically designed. If you look at this gen without nostalgia glasses Jynxx is actually better designed than say, Dugtrio or Magneton, but in the end is just hideous.

Best Pokemon of 1st Gen? 

 I have always loved Golduck. He just looks cool. He evolves from from Psyduck, who is generally one of the cutest, in the way ugly dogs are cute, Pokémon of all time. Yet, why does he beat out Charizard, Mewtwo and Blastoise. Kappa is the word. He is based on one of my favorite Japanese myths, the Kappa.

2nd Place: 5th Generation

Pokemon Black and White are the best Pokemon games made so far. 5th generation has the advantage of being the biggest generation since the 1st and being completely separate from the other 4. Yet it fails because it has many of the same faults as 1st generation. I really love this generation but for its major strengths, it has weaknesses.

Worst Pokemon of 5th Gen?

In an attempt to be more like 1st generation we get the lamest thing since Magneton. Look at that! Its not even a little creative. They literally start with one design for Klink, which kinda sucks. Add some stupid gears, which really sucks. And then a ring and by this point, it needs to go away! The main weakness of 5th generation is it tries too hard to recapture 1st generation.

Best Pokemon of 5th Gen?

 

I have always had a fondness for Pokemon with snouts. Since Mankey, they have held a special place in my heart. Furthermore, I love fire starters. I have played with a fire starter since the first generation. So is Emboar the best fire start? Not really. He is slow but that makes him unique. He is a bulk fire/fighting type. He has a good movepool and shows off how by 5th generation Pokemon have evolved into ever more creative design. I think Pokemon is better than ever because of....

1st Place: 4th Gen.

4th Generation changed everything. It brought Pokemon to the Nintendo DS and a big decision changed Pokemon strategy forever. The Physical/Special split. This, in my opinion, is the reason why I love 4th Generation. It is when competition got better than ever. As for the Pokemon of this generation, there are too many awesome pokemon to list off.

Worst Pokemon of 4th Gen?

I think it is an almost unanimous decision. Despite the fact that 4th generation has a lot of great pokemon, it also has the single worst of all time. Bidoof is f***ing terrible! I hate you. I hate you Bidoof. You are just another rodent pokemon. You are normal type. You look stupid. You are useless. We all hate you. Go away.

Best Pokemon of 5th Gen?

This was very hard. I think Torterra is my favorite grass starter, Infernape is the best fire starter, Roserade is flower frickin' Zorro, Togekiss makes up for how terrible Togetic was and I could go on. Why do I give it to Luxray? Well, he looks cool and has a cool name. He is an electric lion. He has a great move pool, physical stats and is just plain cool. He is what Ampharos could've been. A lion to make up for the sheep.

I'm not sure where Pokemon is gonna take us in the next 5 years but I am always going to be a fan! I hope that some day we can see more realistic Pokemon in 3D graphics but on the other hand something about Pokemon just works. It has one of the best formulas in the RPG arena and I will keep coming back for years to com.

Pokehorror!

OSB, TSF. 1. Epic Beard of Summer 2011

One Step Back, Two Steps Forward:

Epic Beard of 2011

Facial hair. Its the ultimate male accessory. People judge a man by his beard, his mustache, his side burns, his chinfuzz or lack thereof. I myself pride myself on my ability to grow facial hair. It was the first thing I ever outdid my Dad in (in fact, he sports a goatee these days in response). Whether its a sign of new age masculinity or hipsterness, beards are back.

And it was 2011 that my own beard hit it's stride! The following is a true picture story about my Epic Beard. Entitled  

"The Many Moods of Beard" or "Semper Beardicus."

Mood 1. Thoughtful. "To investigate the fabric of time and space or...meh?"

Mood 2. Suspicion. "Why is there a clown in my room?"

Mood 3. Madness. "Why would I show anyone this picture?!"
 

 Mood 4. Confused. "Boy, girl or banana?"

Mood 5. Homicidal. "Bad hairday but who cares...it all dies today."

Mood 6. Philosophical. "What the hell is a Michelle Bachmann?!"

Mood 7. Plotting. "Don't worry Epic Beard."

Epic Beard: "I am not worried face and brain."

Epic Beard: "For my life is legion."

Mood 8. Afraid/Upset. "If only Epic Beard knew about my love affair with a different facial hair."

Mood 9. Amusement. "Ooh, just scored 127 points in Words!"

Mood 10. Disgusted. "Epic beard hates Words?!"

Mood 11. Orc. "Grr, I'm an orc."

Mood 12. Determined. "I am sorry but this can't continue."

*Snkt snkt* Mustachio: "What are you doing?!"

Mood 13. Pleased. "Meh. Not bad. Kinda looks like..."

Mood 14. Captain Ahab. "There be whales here."

Mood 15. Victorious. "Sorry Beard. It's all about my three friends. Left sideburn, right sideburn and soul patch."

Mood 16. Wolverine. "Snkt."

Good side.

Bad side. Fools.

FIN.