NERDCULTURE SMACKDOWN! POKÉMON OF THE WEEK! APR 6-APR 12/13!

#318 CAVANHA & #319 SHARPEDO

Ahoy there folks! Looks like we got another couple of water Pokémon to talk about this week (there are a lot of water Pokémon) but at least they're dark type too. As per usual, I used random number generator and, per usual, I never know what we're gonna experience. All I know that for this article...we're gonna need a bigger boat.

LAST WEEK'S POKÉMON OF THE WEEK: #129 MAGIKARP & #130 GYARADOS

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/6/13!

version exclusive [vur-zhun-ik-skloo-siv]
noun
1. A Pokémon, item, characters, location, or event that can only be found in one version of the same generation of Pokémon title.

EX. I think I've only traded a Pokémon once or twice...on DS. In fact, I never traded any Pokémon in the first three generations of games because I never had any friends that were up for it (even though I had a multi-cable for gameboys, gameboy colors, and gameboy advance). As a kid, this really frustrated me because it meant that I couldn't get all the Pokémon unless I bought both version... Hence why I own Blue & Red and Gold & Silver-- I stopped trying to get both versions after that point because I realized the version exclusives weren't really worth playing both games. At least in the later generations they've added more exclusives and trading with anyone in the world is really, really easy. So, that's a big improvement in the franchise, I guess.

Growtlithe was a version exclusive...

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/5/13!

virtual storage [vur-choo-uhl-stawr-uj]
noun
1. A system whereby addressable memory is extended beyond main storage through the use of secondary storage managed by system software in such a way that programs can treat all of the designated storage as addressable main storage.

SOURCE: Dictionary.com

EX. I've actually never turned to catch Zubats to keep from having to fight through them-- but I do have a box of Evee eggs in Heartgold. But let's talk about virtual storage for a moment...

I've gone over this sort of thing, in the past, when I talked about Pokéball technology but I think it's worth discussing how the PC boxes in the Pokémon series work. The Pokémon storage system was created by a young man who lives North of Cerulean City in the Kanto region named Bill (for Bill Gates of Microsoft), He called it the Pokémon PC and, in the games, it was labeled as Bill's PC. When you capture a Pokémon and already have a full party, you're given the option to put that Pokémon or another Pokémon you own in the PC (since six is the maximum party number) via the Pokédex transporter (I assume). You can also store and move Pokémon and items around in the PC box, usually at your local Pokécenter. In the anime, Ash tended to send his Pokémon to Prof. Oak (including a few dozen Tauros). The technology used in such a procedure is probably worthy of some thought.

Assuming that my theory about Pokéballs being correct, that is that Pokéballs are storage devices that render a Pokémon down into raw energy, copying their date, and re-synthesizing it later upon the release of the Pokémon (just like how Star Trek transporters work-- they destroy the subject and rebuild them), we can assume that Pokémon PCs are also virtual storage. The Pokémon being stored are destroyed, turned into energy, their information recorded, and, at a later date, you can re-synthesize them. The main difference is that the PC can store far more Pokémon.

As for why you can only carry six Pokémon, I haven't heard a legitimate reason for that...yet. We'll just have to leave that up for discussion at another time.

P.S. Pikachu knows the truth and doesn't want to be murdered for convenience-- even if he can and would be rebuilt and essentially be the same Pikachu. Hence, Pikachu's refusal to be put in his Pokéball.

MIXED BAG. ASURA'S WRATH REVIEW!

MIXED BAG. PRESENTS

ASURA'S WRATH REVIEW

Developer: CAPCOM, Cyber Connect 2
System: PS3 & XBOX 360
Genre: Action, Beat 'em Up

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/4/13!

dysfunctional [dis-fuhngk-shuh-nul]
adjective
1. Not performing normally, as an organ or structure of the body; malfunctioning.

2. Having a malfunctioning part or element.

3. Behaving or acting outside social norms.

 

SOURCE: Dictionary.com

 

EX. I think it would be very difficult to find a family unit more dysfunctional in Westeros than the Lannisters-- considering the fact that the family "dog" is a horribly scarred bodyguard who cuts men down with ease (I think he's hiding some where in the background...).

WTF WED! GRANT KIRKHOPE'S KOOKY AND CRAZY PAC-MAN CABLE COMPANY!

GAME GRUMPS W/ SPECIAL GUEST: GRANT KIRKHOPE

This one is a WTF for a couple of reasons-- it's the first Guest Grumps and their first guest is Grant Kirkhope, the composes of classic N64 titles like Golden Eye, Banjo Kazooie, Perfect Dark and games from the recent generation with the Viva Pinata series and many more. Jontron is a huge fan of Grant Kirkhope's work and it's interesting to listen to someone meeting one of their idols-- who talks about his balls and spends the majority of the video taking the piss out of Jon.

Another cool thing, if you like Banjo Kazooie's soundtrack, Grant just released an album on Bandcamp of the game-- and you can name your own price! CHECK IT OUT!

DON'T TOUCH PAC-MAN

I always knew that Pac-Man  was a horrible abomination...

FIRST HONEST CABLE COMPANY

I've been playing a lot of League of Legends lately (it's terribly addictive) and hate when my connection drops. But that's only my selfish reasoning behind my irritation at the mediocre internet service available in most parts of the United States. I think it is repulsive that the lazy, greedy, short-sighted cable companies would rather basically tell us to "Fuck you. You'll buy it." rather than providing a service that improves not only gaming and streamed entertainment, but, more importantly, quickens the pace of online business.

Some food for thought: I once heard a guy who worked on computers talk about his passion for improving the performance of the product. He explained that if he saved every person who bought his computer a few seconds in boot-up time that he could save lifetimes of wasted hours. So, basically, when any company withholds faster service for the sake of greed they're wasting lifetimes of their customer's hours. Think about that...

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/3/13!

metamorphosis [met-uh-mawr-fuh-sis]
noun
1. Biology . A profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from the caterpillar to the pupa and from the pupa to the adult butterfly.

2. A complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.

3. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.

4. A form resulting from any such change.

5. Pathology.

a. A type of alteration or degeneration in which tissues are changed: fatty metamorphosis of the liver.

b. The resultant form.

6. Botany. The structural or functional modification of a plant organ or structure during its development.

SOURCE: Dictionary.com

EX. Nincada metamorphizes into Ninjask and the shell, left behind, from its previous form awakens as the soul-stealing Bug-Ghost type with Wonderguard (an ability which makes it only vulnerable to Super Effective damage from Flying, Rock, Ghost, Fire, or Dark moves). But, quick tip, if you want to get a Shedninja, you have to have an open slot in your party when Nincada evolves.

WEEKLY ROUND-UP! 3/25-3/31/13!

WEEKLY ROUND-UP PRESENTS

PIKACHU: MASTER OF MIMICRY WEEK!

7. WORD OF THE DAY! 3/30/13! Rod.

Y'know, I still haven't gotten around to rewatching the Avengers (since I got it on Bluray). I should get on that...

6. WTF WED! SUPER SAIYAN MERMAID VELOCIRAPTOR GO!

Fear is a powerful motivator to get you to visit my blog or suffer the wrath of Vegeta-- Proctologist!

5. POKÉMON OF THE WEEK! #129 MAGIKARP & #130 GYARADOS

Speaking of hurt butts, I know I might've seemed a little critical of Gyarados in my article, "but" you should believe me when I say that I do, actually, like Gyarados.

4. WORD OF THE DAY! 3/29/13! Bathos.

I hope I never have to write an article about the about twenty Pokémon from the first generation that make the fifth gen's ice cream Pokémon seem inspired by comparision... EX. Diglett and Dugtrio.

3. WORD OF THE DAY! 3/28/13! Brawn.

Speaking of uninspired Pokémon that compensate with a really cool design, I like Sawk and Throh. But not that much.

2. WORD OF THE DAY! 3/26/13! American exceptionalism.

Holy crap! Every minute I've spent in Rapture so far has been either small moments of anxious wonder, sweeping moments of grand awe, or a thrilling and violent romp to fly across the battlefield, from enemy to enemy, ending their life in a visceral blow. Bioshock Infinite is probably Game of the Year, if not one of the the greatest games of all time.

1. MUSICAL MON! BIOSHOCK INFINITE PRE-RELEASE EXTRAVAGANZA!

BUY, RENT, OR BORROW THIS GAME TODAY!

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/2/13!

thaumaturge [thaw-muh-turj]
noun
1. A magician or a worker of miracles.

EX. It is difficult to be a hero in a fantasy world without killing literally thousands of creatures that were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and trying to defend their wrong home from the wrong invader (you're the invader). Remember, every time that your lowly thaumaturge shoots a kobold in the face with a magic missile after invading a temple-- a temple that may have been their home for dozens of generations-- that you were the one who decided to go dungeon diving. Those kobolds probably had a culture and, by killing them all and destroying their home by taking trinkets, you probably left little for future dungeoneering anthropologists to discover. You didn't just kill the kobold. You killed the idea of them. When you die, most likely, your memory of them will be lost alongside those of every other creature you killed that was just trying to mind its own business until you killed it to root around in its burrow. But, hey, they're being total dicks, right?

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/1/13!

FANTUM MENUS IS BEST MOVIE!

best movie ever [I dunno how to enunciate cuz I'm a o-possum!]
truth
1.I may just be an o-possum...

...but I knows a gud movie when I seen it!

See, I was just a baby o-possum, clingin' to the back of mah mama and she was just a crawlin' 'round the fat legs of these hyoomans to look for nummies on the cinema's sticky floors (so much gud stuff down there!) when I seen my first and only movie... JORJ LUKASS'S THE FANTUM MENUS!

The movie's about this frog-rabbit guy named Jar-Jar Binks who, on the run from some "bombad baddies", meets up with a pair of borin' city boys on Spring Break. The whole movie hinges on whether Jar-Jar can loosen their underoos up and teach them how to party!

And, a-course, there's a subplot where Jar-Jar is gunna have to get a job at like Walmart or somethin' or his Mama (I glued a picture of her but-her-face up above) is gonna kick him out of Atlantis! So, like, Jar-Jar has to teach his new friends about how to party, find a job, and make us all laugh in one movie! He's a great comedic actor-- like Adam Sandler but with less of a Jewy voice!

We've all been there (points above with claw) haven't we fellas? One second you're wanderin' around the power station and, before you can say "don't chew on that", you're buddy is burnt blacker than a black thing. Lucky for Jar-Jar, he's a profeshunal acter and he knows wut he's a-doing!

At supper, Professer Liam Neeson is all hoity toity cuz Jar-Jar is tryin' to entertain some like poor trailer park family with his awesum possum tung tricks! Ah mean, wut's the point of havin' a tung like that if'n ya ain't gonna use it to entertain. The next part I kinda blacked out cuz on account of mah o-possum diabetes and didn't wake up until mah mama stuck my face in a tub of not yo cheese! I love not yo cheese!

IT MAKES ME WANNA DANCE! This one time me and mah buddies was at Wal-Mart and like mah buddy Franklin (he's a turdle) got ran over by one of them scooters with the big persons on 'em but he were all right cuz he's a turdle. He got a cash settlement for like cash money, so we thought we'd start having these "axidents" more often! Stupid hyoomans! That's how I got this cushy job! The internet boy stepped on my tail! Wait...what was I s'posed to be a-doin' again? 

Coulda swore I wrote it down on mah hand...

So, like, Jar-Jar meets like this city girl Princess Natalie Portman and she's givin' him the old Eskeemo shoulder and Mr. Long-Ears is playin' it all cool! I'm pretty sure he ends up with Natalie Portman in the next movie, but I never did done seen it cuz on account of mah bein' a o-possum. BUT, I herd there is like five more movies, so I'm sure he'll get her in the end...

In the next wacky scene, Jar-Jar finds himself on like a battlefield, on the green grassy fields of Iraq, and he like single-handedly wins the whole shebang in a funny way. I mean, people die, but that's like war and stuff. Good thing Jar-Jar is there to keep everything funny cuz the last thirty minutes of this movie were a little too smart for this ol' o-possum.

The movie ends with Jar-Jar teaching his friends how to have fun ('cept for Liam Neeson who gets burnt to death for some reason), saves Atlantis from Obama, and reunites with his Mama who tells him he prolly got a future politickin' in Washington. I'm sure he don't like doom everybody to bein' ruled by an evil old and stuffy white guy-- he's a Republikan and Republikans work for us (o-possums included). I'd reckon-mend this movie to just about anyone out there that loves a gud comedy.

EDITOR'S NOTE: A BETTER REVIEW

SORRY FOLKS! TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES!

We're attempting to reach into the ether to retrieve this week's posts but the two opossums we acquired are positively charged. Until we can acquire a negatively charged opossum, from my cousin Skeeter, we will be unable to produce any quality blog entertainment (because, excuse me Princess, but you try and make a blog without using marsupial magic to manipulate your mind from behind the veil of time and space) and you should expect a similar shortage for at least a week. Sumimasen.

P.S.  We will temporarily feature articles with what opossumable energy we can create, but don't expect us to entertain you...ever. Here is our new blogger, Mr. Mumble. I think you'll be in for a opossumable adventure!

"WANNA PLAY A GAME?!"

WORD OF THE DAY! 3/31/13!

eggmas [eg-muhs]
noun
1. Taking place on the first Sunday of April or the last Sunday of March and coinciding with several pagan holidays surrounding the goddess Esther, or "Easter", Eggmas is a day that the floppy-eared demonic Easter Bunny AKA Peter Cottontail brings a basket of treats and hides candy filled plastic eggs for kids to find...or so the legends say.

EX. "HAPPY EGGMAS E'RYBODY!" And how about a fat dollop of classic holiday fun for the kiddies and grown up kiddies out there to have with all their East- um, EGGMAS treats!

BONUS: RANKIN/BASS'S THE EASTER BUNNY IS COMING TO TOWN! (1977)