Showing posts with label jon jafari. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jon jafari. Show all posts

Monday, April 25, 2016

MUSIC MON! JONTRON & YUNGTOWN ARE SPACE COWBOYS!


The first video in today's queue is the fantastic cover of Katie Perry's Firework by Jontron. It's been a long time coming-- like five years long time coming-- since Jontron first teased his audience with an incomplete cover at the end of his Dino City video from 2011. It is a pretty great cover and the video is electric thanks to the collaborative efforts of a bunch of talented animators.

On a side note, we are stuck with Katie Perry's Firework until we die thanks to it being a fun pop song with a theme that can easily be tied into every 4th of July firework celebration from now until the end of time. I dunno if that's good or bad, but it certainly is a thing.


Twilight Princess's HD remake came out for the Wii-U and I bought it but... I haven't played it yet because I promised myself to finish some of the other games I've bought before I do so. I beat Pokemon Blue's 3DS shop remake and currently I'm working my way through the main storyline of Fallout 4 with my character Patagonia O'Brian.

But I can't wait to play Twilight Princess again. It's my favorite 3D Zelda game.


Cowboy Bebop is one of the best animated series ever made. I got my parents to watch it with me when I got it on bluray and the animated film, from which this sequence is from, is a fantastic example of animation that is hip, stylish and has scenes constructed with such hypnotically smooth movement that it is hard not to admire it. Check it out.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/19/16!


ronyon/ronion [ruhn-yuhn]
noun
1. A mangy creature.

EX. From the moment I saw Jontron's newest ronyon, I ask myself, did he get a side of ronion rings with that shake? I don't apologize for puns. I do ask that you...

Friday, September 18, 2015

FTW FRIDAY! OH FATHER, YOU SMELL OF CORN AND ASPARAGUS!


Journal Entry #345

The harvest is meager, but it is to collect it before the chill of winter nibbles at my nose. Meager or no, winter is coming.

"Better late than never!" My father always said. Oh, Father. Why did you leave me here in the sewer? Have you forgotten me? The rats. They vex me so. And the oil you left behind to fuel my lamp is running low... The darkness invites the rats and other terrors. I am searching for higher ground. I am leaving the compost heap tonight and exploring the tunnels under the zoo.

Perhaps I will have more luck finding fuel for my lantern. I fear the darkness. I fear the terrors.


Journal Entry #401

I lost my boots today. My feet feel naked without the plastic foam between the cold wet damp and the several layers of stockings I found in a cellar. I don't think of it as stealing. It is either to sin or to lose my toes. The rats nibble incessantly and I had managed to catch a few to supplement my corn diet with their rankled flesh. But I had to burn them in a fire in the drained mote around the lion exhibit.

Their blood is black. I do not think the rats are well either. Darkness consumes all. I spend my days crawling between exhibits, searching for anything I can to fuel the lantern, and I have to use the radio I saved for emergencies to block out the voices. They come in the darkness. I must move again tonight.

Tonight the moon will be full enough.


Journal Entry #430

I found it. I found the Vault. But it is locked. I talked to the security robot through a small camera but it never replied. The glass eye of the lens stared right through me and the door won't budge. I wonder if Father is hiding in the Vault. I wonder if he thinks me dead. I don't want to go back to the zoo.

Father. I won't give up.
 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

WTF WED! TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE WE GO! (WITH NICK & JONTRON & DUNKEY)


Oh Jontron. You're the cutest cartoon character ever. You don't believe me after me starting this WTF WED with some commercial for a shirt or hoodie? Well fine then. Here is some bonus content.

MEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRYY KRZMZ!




I know it isn't really Christmas themed but, if you look at the title, I somehow manage to tie it all together, wrap it, and put a bow on it this year. Or I worked with what I got and gave you what I could give you. Why're you so ungrateful this year? Sorry.

HAPPY KKKKKHHHHHHANUK-K-K-K-K-K-KAH!


And lastly, our two favorite surreal buddies from Nick: The Feature Film.

There is Nick and there is Chris. Apparently, when Chris isn't busy reviewing restaurants in the totally not fictional town of Titanville, Florida (it really is real, but I like casting aspersion), he is busy throwing on a wig so he could bother Nick.

Everyone will suffer for this.

Kwanza. Just Kwanza.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 12/16/14!


menagerie [men-aj-uh-ree]
noun
1.  A collection of wild or unusual animals, especially for exhibition.
2. A place where a collection of wild or unusual animals, especially for exhibition, are kept.
3. A collection.
4. A group of people.

EX. Imagine a world...

...where two adult colleagues discuss Noah's Ark, the biblical story usually introduced to children at a young age, and one of the two poorly animated colleagues positing,

"What if, the entire point of having Noah build the ark and collect a menagerie of animals is so that God can make them race each other?"

and the other colleague, in an equally monotone and strange manner, laughs at his theological theory and basically calls him an idiot.

Then, God transforms them and their other colleagues into animals. They race.

That is the plot of Zoo Race. You can buy it.

Monday, October 27, 2014

MUSIC MON! FIVE NIGHTS AT THE SPOOKY SCARY MONSTER MASH!


In the 5th Edition game of Dungeons and Dragons that I've been playing our wizard died a couple of weeks ago. He was minding his own business, throwing nukes at mobs, when, just after clearing a room, he was struck down. A bugbear had been sneaking up behind our party for an hour or so, shadowing us, and managed to get the drop on our most vulnerable friend. A bugbear weighs about 300 lbs of muscle and wields a morning star. The morning star collapsed his head like an accordion and there was nothing we could do. He was dead.

Or so we thought.

The evil book we had been planning to destroy made itself known. It reached out and tempted us to use it to bring our friend back to life. When we refused, there was a struggle but it managed to fly into the hands of the wizard's corpse and resurrect him.

Time will tell the fate of the wizard with an undead book for a heart.


As for another story of horror, I continued the Call of Cthulhu game I began two years ago by running the spectacular Mansions of Madness scenario, set in 1920's Massachusetts, "The Crack'd and Crook'd Mans". I made one small addition in the way of introducing a new character:

Johnny grew up at a trading post in the Amazon. He was not born Johnny. It was the name the British missionaries gave him. His tribe lived at and around the trading post since it served as a way for them to make a living and the mission supplied many charitable acts like education, medicine, and other necessities. He learned many of the old legends of his ancestors, the Yandalapuma tribe or "Missing Peoples", but he didn't take much heed of it. He eventually became a guide, leading white men through the rain forest, and helping to keep his people's livelihood afloat. Johnny's life wasn't special but it was good.

Until Arthur Cornthwaite arrived. A friendly American man who came talking to the Yandalapuma members and, eventually, asked if they would show him to the "grey dome". The elders refused and forbid anyone help him. After all, the grey dome was beyond the "undrinkable river" that even the tribe members were not allowed to cross and all that fell in the shadow of the grey dome were "taken by ghosts and never seen again".

But Johnny could only think of what he could do with the money the man offered.

So, he came to Cornthwaite and secret and agreed to show him to the river. He took him and his men to the darkest part of the rainforest in the shadow of the dome but refused to join them beyond the river. He waited for a few days for them to return to no avail and so he returned home. A fortnight later, Arthur Cornthwaite stumbled into the trading post, looking like he had seen a ghost. His men were no where to be seen and he quickly left to get the first boat back to America. Johnny used the money to do a lot of good for his people but something was eating a way at his conscience.

He had weird dreams about the dome, about a dark pit, about men screaming, about shadows that crawl and about Arthur Cornthwaite being followed home by a shadow. Eventually, distressed, he told his grandfather. The man was disappointed. He told him that he had broken tribal law and that he had allowed a great darkness to cross the river. The elder told him that if he wishes to have his spirit freed of guilt that he must find the man and kill the ghost following him before it is too late! He sent Johnny on the task and gave him a small pouch filled with a fine white crystalline powder said to ward off the ghosts. Johnny made his way, quick as he could, up to Gamwell, Massachusetts where Mr. Cornthwaite was missing and strangeness was afoot.

Will Johnny succeed in his quest? I won't know until next week!


 My friends thing Five Nights at Freddy's frightened me. They are wrong!

I was simply startled by the loud noise and flashing animation when I jumped out of the chair. The reason I don't want to play is the tension. I swear. Why would I lie?

I ain't 'fraid of nothin'!

(But seriously, if you haven't experienced Five Nights, you should check it out. Also, the latest game theory video about it is really creepy and fascinating. Enjoy.)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 10/21/14!


secateurs [sec-uh-toors]
noun
1. Sheers or scissors.

EX. Let's cut to the chase with a pair of secateurs.

Clock Tower is a game that doesn't really get the attention it deserves. In many ways, it set precedence for the horror genre of games. Despite being limited by the hardware of the time, the game manages to set up a lot of tension and atmosphere. It starts rather slow and the dialogue is very melodramatic but, when you're faced with the "Scissor-Man" you're going to be spooked, you're going to run, and your mind will race with desperation as you seek an escape. The game is all about replaying each scene and scenario to learn the best way and get the best endings through solving puzzles and timing everything.

Sound familiar?

Sounds like Resident Evil and Silent Hill.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 8/7/14!


hamartia [hah-mahr-tee-uh]
noun
1. The tragic flaw that inevitably leads to the downfall of a person or enterprise.

EX. The hamartia of the RMS Titanic, in a cosmic sense, was to declare the ship "unsinkable". In Greek tragedy, such hubris tempts the gods to intervene in order to teach the mortals a lesson in humility. And yet, in a tragedy of such titanic proportion, the causes of the outcome are not as simple as the tempestuous whims of some envious deity; the ship wasn't constructed well enough, the crew did not see the iceberg until it was too late, the passengers were packed away improperly and there were too many souls on boards and too few lifeboats, and so on and so forth, until all of the variables added up to a formula for disaster. It is unlikely that we will ever know why such a foul fate befell the ship on its maiden voyage, but we can learn from the mistakes identified.

And then there are the various craptastic unofficial software made to ride the coat tails of James Cameron's mega-successful Titanic film; their tragedy is that somebody thought they could make a fun game based on a romantic disaster film based on a real-life tragedy. I dunno if the gods came together to punish those game designers, but it is a comforting thought to imagine their wrath coming down upon their heads.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

WORD OF THE DAY! 4/29/14!


たけしの挑戦状 / Takeshi's Challenge [tah-keh-shee-no-cho-sen-jo/ tah-keh-shees-chal-enj]
noun
1. Video game. A Japanese action-adventure game made for the Nintendo Famicom (Nintendo Entertainment System) by Taito Corperation and the Japanese film director, comedian, singer, actor, film editor, presenter, screenwriter, author, poet, painter, and one-time video game designer Beat Takeshi (Takeshi Kitano). The game requires the player to perform a specific and complex series of tasks to finish the nearly impossible experience.

EX. Jontron decided to review something legendary; Takeshi's Challenge.

A game made by this guy:

Beat Takeshi is best known as a TV host and entertainer in Japan, but in America he is best known for his role in Battle Royale (2000). But in the film world he is best known for his gritty yakuza films, filled with long shots that seem to have little nothing going on but are filled with tension, and the nihilistic but somehow affectionate approach in his story-telling. He has been called the "true successor to Akira Kurosawa by more than one film critic. In short, Takeshi Kitano is an intensely interesting and talented artist. He is also the designer of one of the most depressing and bizarre video games ever made.

To quote Jontron's synopsis of the game: "This is a Nintendo game in which you quit your job, divorce your wife, and go treasure hunting... Ten out of ten. Ten out of ten. Hundred out of a hundred. Best game. Best game."

Make the ringing of the pachninko balls and scraping of the shamisen stop!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

WTF WED! MYSTERY GIRLFRIEND SPONGEBOB FOODFIGHTS THE WATCHMEN!


I unapologetically love Zach Snyder's Watchmen film. There, I said it.

The film is divisive amongst fans of the comics: purists really take it personally that he changed one element from the comic books despite the fact that other argue that this film is one of the purest and most accurate-to-the-source-material representations of a comic book in film history. Some people find the film to be long and boring or were disappointed they didn't change enough or that they took the in-comic comic out of the theatrical version, but other fans appreciate the project and believe it to be one of the best super hero films of all time.

I happen to be a member of the latter group of fans, but my love of this film isn't the reason I posted this cartoon. I posted it because "I'm not stuck on this blog with you, you readers are stuck in here with me!"

Or something to that effect.


What the eff is this? Jontron released two videos in the same month? What witchcraft is this? Perhaps, Jon was right. Perhaps, the Grumps was holding him back from his true potential and he needed to leave to give us the Jontron we deserve. Or perhaps I should just shut up and give a little blurb about the terrible, terrible, terribly film that Jontron shares in this video.

Foodfight was to be the big motion picture opus for Threshold Entertainment, a company later known for their mediocre Lego-related specials, that was set for theaters in 2003. The film's files were stolen, allegedly, and the film was pushed back to 2005, then 2007, before finally being auctioned off for a pittance in 2011 to make a 2012 limited release and then a pitiful place amongst the other failed projects haunting bargain bins across the world.

It stars Charlie Sheen, Wayne Brady, Hilary Duff, and so many other stars. It's also a horrible mess of a film with bad writing and it has some of the worst animation ever made. Putting it over the top from just bad to awful is the fact that it is a feature length advertisement for a variety of grocery store brands with a moral objection to generic brand (which they depict as, basically, Nazis). You want a film that has no merits. This is it.

And you can watch the whole film on youtube...right now. Click HERE.


Hoo boy! Bear with me on this one folks. The first episode isn't the best, but then again, who would expect the first episode of an Abridged series to be the best? Just keep watching and trust me that it gets better.

But what is the series about? Mystery Girlfriend X is a romantic comedy manga and anime series about a boy named Tsubaki and a girl named Urabe. The latter is a strange, quiet girl, who is handy with scissors and sleeps all day during class. Tsubaki somehow winds up tasting Urabe's drool and winds up really sick. Urabe shows up and reveals that he has "love sickness" and the only cure is... more drool. Urabe and Tsubaki then start a strange and often distant relationship with Tsubaki scared and intrigued by Urabe and Urabe seeming to have secret knowledge about the drool and the related events.

The anime is very popular.

Neither I or my friend Zach understand why this anime is popular or what it is about, but this is a very funny abridged series.

Enjoy.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

WTF! HERE WE GO! GAME GRUMPS DISCUSS PART-LESBIAN MÉNAGE Á TROIS & "SWORD FIGHTING"! NSFW!


First up, let's go ahead and bite the curb that is Game Grumps animated by revisiting a classic scene from when, after finishing their single one-off episode of Rugrats in Paris: The Movie on N64, Egoraptor was driven to suicide.

Vega Voverth has quickly become one of the most prolific animators in the shrinking circuit of Game Grumps animations. I say shrinking circuit because, since Jon left, it seems the animators have lost a lot of their enthusiasm to indulge in animating the antics of Game Grumps. It would seem that, without his animated voice and the conflict between Arin and he, there is little worth illustrating or revisiting.

This assumption, based on the next video, is clearly... WRONG!


I've covered iscoppie one other time when I highlighted this animated scene from the classic episode of Nickelodeon GUTS.This style is perfect for the light-hearted trips down Dan's memory lane.

This surreal and vivid hallucination, a walking hot flash animation of a walking wet dream dripping in sharp biting colors carved away with soft lines to create detailed scenes, will leave you smiling, sweating, and crying.

Showers are recommended.


And, if you thought that last story was a slightly inappropriate and very personal look at Dan's romantic life... let's end with Egoraptor talking about how he used to be part of a club of guys who showed off their wieners. His wife confirms the sum of all of our fears when she admits her beloved too part in many bratwurst parties. And I'm not talking about sausages.

P.S. It can't be unheard and it can't be unseen.

Friday, November 1, 2013

WORD OF THE DAY! 11/1/13!

goosebumps [goos-bumps]
noun
1. Rough condition of the skin, resembling that of a plucked goose, induced by cold or fear; horripilation.

EX. HEY! I hope dat got your attenshun. Today's word of the day is L. R. Stein, um, wait, I mean R. L. Stine...well no, actually, it's about the TV series based on his popular children's book horror series and, technically, it about Jontron doing some vidjas pointing out the ineptitude of a couple of particularly bad episodes of Goosebumps.

I know I had goosebumps when I saw his name in my youtube subscription feed!



Wednesday, October 2, 2013

WORD OF THE DAY! 10/2/13!


herculean [her-kyoo-lee-uhn]
adjective
1. Something requiring the strength of Hercules, or other considerable power, to accomplish.
2. Having enormous strength, size, power, etc.
3. Of or pertaining to labors of Hercules.

EX. It sure seemed like a herculean effort for JonTron to finally get around to posting a new video for the "Season 2 of JonTron" he promises us, amirite!? But seriously, jk, this video is a return to form for our master of the whimsical video game review in the format of a theme montage of mostly monstrous games based on the Greek mythic hero, Hercules.

If you need another reason to get excited... JonTron dances.

Also, "Who put the 'glad' in gladiator?" is an obnoxious anachronism that has no place in the Disney's Hercules film, which has plenty worse anachronism, because gladiators... ARE ROMAN!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

WORD OF THE DAY! 8/15/13!


state of affairs [stehyt-uhv-uh-fehrs]
noun
1. The general situation, condition, or circumstances of a things/things.

EX. This rambling state of affairs probably won't change the world, but it certainly gotten my attention.Something has happened to Jon Tron. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it is certainly beautiful. Just listen to that singing...

Thursday, June 27, 2013

WEEKLY ROUND-UP! 6/17-6/23/13!

WEEKLY ROUND-UP PRESENTS

7. WTF WED! GET THAT MAGI'S STREET FIGHTER ANIME THAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!

Jontron is LEAVING GAME GRUMPS.

6. WORD OF THE DAY! 6/18/13! Fatherly.

My Dad bought us a Game Boy before I was born. That Game Boy was my best friend for a few years and, while my Dad was on a submarine winning the cold war or whatever, I cherished its company in his absence. Love you Dad.

5. WORD OF THE DAY! 6/17/13! Real talk.

Jon's already gone Arin. You told him to leave and you stayed. The demons are with him Arin. All you've got is your ridiculously non-deal deals Arin. And Dan. And Barry. And Suzie Goose.

4. WORD OF THE DAY! 6/22/13! Unfortunate.

Jim Carrey makes a movie where his character tries to marry his stepdaughter after murdering her parents but turns his back on Kickass 2? Bro is crazy.

3. MUSIC MON! JON SNOW KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT CHOCOBOS & WAR!

MY BLOG IS GONNA CHANGE SOME LIVES, FOLKS! EVEN DEMONS KNOW! EVEN DEMONS KNOW! 'salready ruined my life...

2. WORD OF THE DAY! 6/20/13! Boner.

Speaking of awkward mistakes, like this BONER, I watched all four seasons of Arrested Development. I did not make a huge mistake in that choice.

1. NERDCULTURE SMACKDOWN! POKÉMON OF THE WEEK! #304 ARON, #305 LAIRON, #306 AGGRON

Favorite Rock Pokémon? Aggron. I can't say "no" to a Silver Samurai Dino.