TUNE TUES! HERE'S TO YOU KOJIMA-SAN!

HERE'S TO YOU! (Joan Baez and Ennio Morricone)

METAL GEAR SOLID V: GROUND ZEROES OPENING SCENE

Hideo Kojima, creator and creative mind behind the Metal Gear Solid franchise, might be the best or closest example of an auteur in the medium called "video games".

What is an "auteur"?

An auteur, literally French for "author", is the term traditionally applied to a filmmaker whose creative vision, personal ideals, and artistic control over a film are so great that they are regarded as the author of the work. This term is taken further in discussions of the medium so that, while often there are many hands and minds behind any given film project or projects, this auteur is credited as the true author of the works.

For example, Alfred Hitchcock's style permeates his films to the point where his creative vision is at the forefront and the films he worked on are regarded as "Hitchcock films".

In discussion of film, the term auteur is usually not awarded by critics to just any prolific director; they are afforded to directors with a catalog of film's sharing distinctive traits, from the dreamscapes of Akira Kurosawa to quirky storybook worlds of Wes Anderson, the works of an auteur make up their own world or idealogy. In short, they are a reflection of their creator's vision.

While some independent games are the sole work of a single creative, or a few, AAA titles like Bungie's Destiny or whatever Assassin's Creed game just came out, are the works of dozens of artists, writers, animators, programmers, testers, etc. to the point where Credit sequences in these games take on the lengths of short films. And yet, while the Metal Gear Solid series is the work of so many individuals, no one, besides perhaps Konami, would try to argue that the series wasn't Hideo Kojima's.

The series builds a dramatic world constructed from James Bond action fodder, giant robot anime, Italian spaghetti westerns, military vehicle model construction, geopolitical history, conspiracy theories, etc. that are all reflections of the things Kojima finds cool and come together into some simultaneously beautiful, gruesome, overwrought, genuine, fashionable and dorky creation that is uniquely "metal gear".

The conceits of the series can be rather striking in their contradiction, such as the inclusion of Metal Gear Solid: Rising Revengeance, a game that stands out from the other series by following a protagonist who seems to revel in dicing his enemies into tiny bits with a giant samurai sword, while also having a disturbing subplot about saving child soldiers from being coopted into cyborg killing machines. In a game where a ridiculously hard to miss cyborg samurai wears a sombrero and a poncho as a disguise, we're shortly thereafter greeted with a horrific collection of floating orphan brains in jars, still conscious as their eyes follow you across the room, and meant to illicit legitimate feelings of horror. I realize some might complain about the inclusion of Rising Revengeance in my little rant here but it illustrates, perhaps better than anything, what is "metal gear" and what is "Kojima-esque".

It revels in the ridiculous and yet, somehow, comes out the other side as something that is genuinely thought provoking and cool. Metal Gear is unique and it is depressing to think MGSV may be the last chapter.

GAME GRUMPS- MIGHT AS WELL JUMP!

Uh, well, I just gave you guys like a quick sloppy essay to try and explain my feelings about Metal Gear. So um, here is this and:

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE?

Go watch Rick and Morty.

That is all.

WTF WED! FRANCIS AND ROSS FACE...CAPTAIN MOTORCYCLE!

GAME GRUMPS (D)ANIMATED: CAPTAIN MOTORCYCLE!

Most people I know who are into motorcycles are middle-aged men. Any of my reader's like to ride the ol' crotch rocket? Do you do it to look cool? Or because you love the taste of bugs in your teeth? Just curious.

ROSS'S LEVEL: YOU ARE A MONSTER (NO CASUALTIES)

Game Grumps's Mario Maker series is one of the more entertaining series they've produced and exposes Ross O'Donovan as the monster we all knew tried to ride into our homes on Steam Train-- and honestly, just maybe, if he owned his sadistic side, I'd change my mind on him being one of the weaker elements in post-Jon grumps.

Dan is a boss. Ross is a wanker.

FRANCIS RAGES AT MARIO MAKER!

Francis gets angry at things. The cycle of rage never ends. It just evolves.

FTW FRIDAY! OH FATHER, YOU SMELL OF CORN AND ASPARAGUS!

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: OH, FATHER!

Journal Entry #345

The harvest is meager, but it is to collect it before the chill of winter nibbles at my nose. Meager or no, winter is coming.

"Better late than never!" My father always said. Oh, Father. Why did you leave me here in the sewer? Have you forgotten me? The rats. They vex me so. And the oil you left behind to fuel my lamp is running low... The darkness invites the rats and other terrors. I am searching for higher ground. I am leaving the compost heap tonight and exploring the tunnels under the zoo.

Perhaps I will have more luck finding fuel for my lantern. I fear the darkness. I fear the terrors.

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: CORNY TALK!

Journal Entry #401

I lost my boots today. My feet feel naked without the plastic foam between the cold wet damp and the several layers of stockings I found in a cellar. I don't think of it as stealing. It is either to sin or to lose my toes. The rats nibble incessantly and I had managed to catch a few to supplement my corn diet with their rankled flesh. But I had to burn them in a fire in the drained mote around the lion exhibit.

Their blood is black. I do not think the rats are well either. Darkness consumes all. I spend my days crawling between exhibits, searching for anything I can to fuel the lantern, and I have to use the radio I saved for emergencies to block out the voices. They come in the darkness. I must move again tonight.

Tonight the moon will be full enough.

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: ASPARAGUS PEE!

Journal Entry #430

I found it. I found the Vault. But it is locked. I talked to the security robot through a small camera but it never replied. The glass eye of the lens stared right through me and the door won't budge. I wonder if Father is hiding in the Vault. I wonder if he thinks me dead. I don't want to go back to the zoo.

Father. I won't give up.

 

WTF WED! THE AVENGERS 2: AGE OF PAUL BLART!

EGORAPTOR- AVENGERS CARTOON: THOR'S HAMMER!

I dunno about you geeks, but I'm gonna go see The Avengers: Age of Ultron tomorrow.

The first film was, probably, the biggest franchise game changer since the original Star Wars trilogy by turning the Marvel movie franchise into a few somewhat connected okay to good movies to a legitimate film fandom juggernaut that has spun off into even more films, tv series, and every other studio in Hollywood began stampeding to be the next big success since Marvel combined with Disney's media monopoly monster.

This means that Marvel has a lot riding on this sequel. So far, they haven't really stumbled since the Avengers with success after success, and that means they've got a lot to lose. They'll probably still break all the box office records and secure a very super hero Hollywood for a few more years until people get burned out on it.

Or not!

ADHD- AVENGERS AND OLD MAN!

 Personally, I don't think super heroes or super hero moves have to get old because of the level of different subgenre and genre hybridization that the medium of super heroes allows and has allowed over decade after decade of comics.

ADHD- HULK RUNS ERRANDS! 

Then again, while "true believers" and other comic fans don't sway in their excitement for every super hero movie on the horizon, the general public doesn't have the same taste.

So, if you want to keep seeing the super hero hype train for for another decade, join me and the rest of the world in celebrating the sequel to the original Avengers film.

OR YOU COULD GO WATCH "BLART!"

WTF WED! THAT'S A CLEAN BURNING FOSSIL FUEL, GLAME GLUMPS!

THAT'S A CLEAN BURNING SHULK, I TELL YA WHAT!

Boy oh boy, nothing quite gets ya salty like a string of near losses in Smash Bros!

I was playing Smash and, while I rotate between about four characters, my friends usually have one or two mains they use obsessively. This can be maddening when you lose over and over in three player smash because your friend's Metaknight gameplay keeps you from ever getting the knock out on a corner camping Robin or Samus.

The salt was real. And that's okay.

JURASSIC WORLD PARODY?

Jurassic Park is an incredibly stupid but gloriously "awesome" concept that is saved by a handful of memorable performances and fantastic dinosaur puppets/CGI.

I really don't mind making enemies over nostalgia.

But the fact that people are freaking out about this new Jurassic World film being silly or scientifically inaccurate, I want to remind you of the all-female frog hybrid dinosaurs from the first film that took place at a park with incredibly poor security rather than being a poor concept because "uh, uh, um, life uh finds a way".

Jurassic World will probably be as silly as the first film. Good.

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: PHONE CALL W/ MIYAMOTO!

There is a line between racist comedy and comedy that uses ridiculous stereotypes to comedic effect.

I'm not sure what side of the line this sketch lands on.

 

MUSIC MON! HAVE A SMASHING D & D CHRISTMAS!

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS:

TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

I actually got the 5th Edition Player's Handbook (two of them by accident) for Christmas and I gotta say, after playing the system from Level 1 to Level 6 that it is a pretty decent little system that blend mechanics from 3rd and 4th editions and incorporates in some nice improvements/innovations that make the game feel like classic D & D but less convoluted than 4th edition's more video game like mechanics.

On the other hand, here are spoony's opinions which range from profound to whiny-- because that is how all nerd opinions go. Or have you not been reading my blog?

STAR WARS: EPISODE VII... THE MUSICAL?

Look. Hey. At least is not the actual Star Wars Christmas Special? Right!? RIGHT!?!

STARBOMB: SMASH!

 
For my friend's Christmas get-together this year we exchanged gifts and played Super Smash Bros. for Wii-U. As per usual, things got a little salty, people cursed loudly and let out cries of agony as they were mother f***ing smashed and feelings were hurt. But, after a trip to Dairy Queen and a few rounds of Ultimate Werewolf, we remembered the true meaning of Christmas.

All Villagers are a**holes.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE TREES!

 This year my Mother put up three Christmas trees:

Our usual Christmas tree with all of our ornaments (of which I am especially fond of the Disney ornaments but my favorite is probably the Greedo & Han Solo Cantina Scene Diorama), a patriotic red, white, and blue tree and a snowman tree.

The trees are taking over.

MUSIC MON! STARBOMB: FULL ALBUM (OFFICIAL)!

STAR BOMB! THE FULL ALBUM! (OFFICIAL!)

Before I head back to work, been rotating between work, sleep, and social obligations, I wanted to make sure I got this article out the digital door and out to you guys. At least Egoraptor and the rest of the gang (Danny Sexbang, Ninja Brian) made it easy for me this week by releasing their entire album for their fans to enjoy on youtube.

If you like it, as I do, you'll probably wanna check out their next album which hits the digital streets tomorrow!

NEW STAR BOMB ALBUM "PLAYER SELECT" RELEASES DEC. 16TH!

WTF WED! BATTLE KID AND THE FORTRESS OF PERIL! GAME GRUMPS MELTDOWN!

GAME GRUMPS: BATTLE KID AND THE FORTRESS OF PERIL!

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: BATTLE KID MELTDOWN PT.1!

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: BATTLE KID MELTDOWN PT.2!

I thought about building a WTF Wednesday upon some Halloween theme or some extraordinarily twisted NSFW stuff but, instead, I decided to go with something that'll crack you up and make you simultaneously concerned:

Listening to Arin Hanson go insane. Again.

WTF WED! ZOIBERG POP JUSTIN BEIBER IN THE FACE FOREVER!

ZOIBERGS IN AFRICA

A mash-up made in heaven? That seems to be the right way to get you fools, I mean guests, comfortable enough to continue reading, clicking, and consuming the media that I've gathered for this buffet of sensory delights that I call WTF Wednesday.

Zoidberg is probably my favorite Futurama character. Deal with it, America.

You can repay me in desk toys. I am addicted to them. I have a problem. I want to buy more but I've already ordered four in the last month. What is wrong with me? Does it have something to do with the weird dreams I keep having about an abandoned oil rig, a brightly lit operating room, and a French pop song? Why do the banana fields burn, Papa? Why do they come to me to die? Deal with it, America.

I dunno why I keep referring to "you" the "collective audience" and "individual fan" as "America" but it is oddly satisfying.

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED- LIVE FOREVER!

Yes, it is going to be one of "those" WTF Wednesdays where I barely explain anything because I probably don't have much to talk about.

Well, "ha...HA!" I say with an authoritative flourish! You think you know my plans, but you are mislead by your own misdirection. Speaking of "Misdirection", that would be a good name for an all-female evil counter part to "One Direction". I do not know what One Direction is, but I know it has something to do with yogurt.

For more cartoons like this awesome Game Grumps toon up above, check out Andiemations channel!

ORLAND BLOOM VS. JUSTIN BEIBER IN REAL 3D!

Lastly, let's remember that, in a world on the precipice of annihilation at the hands of hyperbole, one man stood up to Justin Beiber and popped him one.

Thank you, Mr. Bloom.

Sincerely,

Everyone

"Arigatou gozaimashita! Mata okoshi kudaisamase!

Doge desu."

WORD OF THE DAY! 7/10/14!

SEQUELITIS: LINK TO THE PAST VS. OCARINA OF TIME!

sequelitis [see-kwel-ahy-tis]
noun
1. The tendency of a well-received work to spawn sequels and spin-offs, with, more often than not, increasingly inferior results.

EX. Egoraptor has opinions. Some of his opinions in the Sequelitis Series come off as the rantings of a biased critic complaining that modern games aren't the same as the games he grew up with as a kid.

After all, he has a tendency to not appreciate the competent elements of a game that he doesn't like and write off entire series or even genres if they don't fit into his cookie cutter definition of "good games" (which only include broken NES games and circle-jerking indie games that are "cool" to like). On the other hand, he has some pretty decent insights into game design that come from taking a critical eye past the surface elements (this game sucks) to the mechanic and design decisions that make a game (this game sucks because...). This means his videos are worth watching for some good points about how sequels tend to constantly recycle design elements from the previous titles in the series, to the point where those design elements are inbred and unnecessary, and basically how game designers often sacrifice good design for making sure the game hits all of the notes that the audience expects. This sequelitis can either lead to fatigue, even if the sequels are somewhat well-designed (looking at you Assassin's Creed), or quickly become a broken series (Sonic the Hedgehog).

Ultimately, while Sequelitis is a good series, just be weary that Egoraptor is the sort of gamer that doesn't like any amount of tutorials (leading to some frustrating experiences for his Let's Play audience when he blames a game for being "poorly designed" instead of blaming himself for being too lazy to pay attention when the game tells him how to do something) and just expects every game to be designed to teach you play like Mega Man X without appreciating that, as games become more complex than X, tutorials are sometimes necessary.


If I'm just ranting, I apologize. You can thank Ego (or my own ego) for my pontification.

SEQUELITIS: MEGA MAN X!

SEQUELITIS: SUPER CASTLEVANIA IV!

WTF WORD OF THE DAY! 6/24/14! WARNING! MAYBE NSFW!

GAME GRUMPS: DOA XTREME 2! BOOBS!

boobaroos [boo-ba-roo]/ baps [baps]/ tumbly-whatsits [tum-blee-wut-sits]
noun
1. Game Grumps slang. Female breasts.

EX. I know what you animals want; baps, boobaroos, tumbly-whatsits!

Well, for once, I'll oblige your carnal desires by sharing this rather hilarious new series from Game Grumps following the boobalicious quest of Arin and Danny to get a volley ball partner, no matter how many frivolous gifts or games of butt bump it takes, and take a look at a game series that practically coined the term "breast physics".

But, in all seriousness, this is a funny series that combines the comedic back and forth that comes from Arin's almost too sincere quest to conquer the game's "complex" gift/friendship system and Danny's incredulity at the whole proceeding. Truly, this is a good time to be a grumpette.

MUSIC MON! PHOENIX WRIGHT OBJECTS TO BOOTIES ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE!

PHOENIX WRIGHT WITH LYRICS!!

I think I always had plans to do a Let's Play of Phoenix Wright, but it was brentalfloss's newest homage that inspired me to finally play a series I've been curious about for so long. Phoenix Wright is a portable Nintendo franchise that is part animated novel and part puzzle game. The gameplay, as far as I can tell from my first case, is pretty simple but satisfying-- you listen to the fact, look at the evidence, and point out contradictions in the prosecution's case.

Hopefully, I'll have the first session of the Mixed Bag's Let's Play of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney posted on youtube some time this week.

TOGETHER WE RIDE DAT BOOTY 

(FIRE EMBLEM)

So, confession time, because I can do that, because technically this is still my blog-- I forgot my best friend's birthday this year. I called him to ask if he wanted to hang out on Monday only to quickly figure out the reason that Zach was acting so strange was that I had forgotten his birthday. I've been pretty busy lately, hence the lack of posts on the blog, and had lost the date in the shuffle. Quickly, I scrambled to save the day; I arranged a ride to his house and picked up Fire Emblem: Awakening for the 3DS (after all, the only other 3DS game he owns? Pokémon X). I also texted my friends to make sure they knew to meet up and we spent the day hanging out, going to the mall, and playing badminton. The lesson of the story?

Redemption is always a possibility.

And booty, yes booty, rockin' everywhere, rockin' everywhere...

GAME GRUMPS REMIX- UNDERNEATH THE WATER!

Let's end with some other news in my life, in no general order, just stream of conciousness:

I bought a couple of board games to review for Tabletop Tales, I've been working on an interesting new Dungeons & Dragons setting (not sure if I wanna use Pathfinder or another system to run it), I went and saw Godzilla (3/5), my friend AceofSpadesCard became a father to his first daughter Evelynn and I joined him for a 24 hour game marathon for charity (for about 12 hours of it since I had to work that day), my friend Valerie graduated college and became engaged to my number one friend Justin, I went to a housewarming part for my friends Chris & Laura, Zach and Katherine got a pitbull puppy named Indi (after Indiana Jones and his family dog), I plan to see the new X-Men movie soon (even it blows), I love playing the newest LoL Champion Braum, I bought some new Steam games for Let's Play, my Aunt Debbie graduated college, I canceled my ESO subscription, my Pokémon hat gives me super powers of starting conversations, I am considering shaving my beard so I can finally try cosplaying at a con, I'm super stoked for Guardians of the Galaxy & Mario Kart 8, Game of Thrones is super good, and...

I threw out my back earlier today lifting too many bags of dogfood and have been in pain all day, but I still managed to write a new blog post. Thanks for reading and please keep checking in for updates, because this Summer is gonna be good.

WTF WED! COMMANDER SHEPHERD IN WES ANDERSON'S ATTACK ON TITAN!

MASS EFFECT 3: HOW TO BE OP!

I played the same character throughout my playthroughs of Mass Effect 1 to 3. Sean Shepherd is a Vanguard. I enjoyed the mix of guns and telekinetic gameplay that allowed me to manipulate my opponents and focus my guns on particularly volatile targets. To be honest, I was under the impression I chose wrong... until Mass Effect 3.

Not only could I pick up a sniper rifle and therefore eliminate any negatives when it came to my weapons, but, as part of combat in general becoming even more dynamic and enjoyable, biotic charge received a big boost. And you better believe I maxed an ability that allowed me to zoom to any target and knock them down and often off of a railing.

It made me feel like a gun-wielding jedi.

A PORNO BY WES ANDERSON.

Wes Anderson is one of my favorite directors. Seriously, if you haven't seen his work, try a few of his films out. My favorites are Royal Tenenbaums, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and Moonrise Kingdom.

ATTACK ON A-HOLE TITAN! 

 So, what have I done in my week's absence? Nothing.

What have I done in the last four days? I attended my aunt's graduation from college, I hung out the next day and watched movies and the like with my friend Justin, then I forgot my best friend's birthday on Monday and had to redeem myself (bought him Fire Emblem on the 3DS and hung out with him), spent the next day playing League of Legends, and today I've hung out with my best friend, recorded a fun new Let's Play session, and have started working on a new D & D setting.

Life is in stalls and starts and leaps and bounds.

WTF WED! HARRY POTTER AND THE SEXY WIDDLE CYBER PUNK JELLYFISH!

HARRY POTTER CYBERPUNK ADVENTURE

Seriously, the animator and comedian collective that makes up the Nacho Punch channel produces some of the funniest videos online, but you wouldn't know that by looking at the views on some of their videos. This love letter to the Harry Potter and Cyberpunk film genre is both simultaneously cool and silly. And the worst part? It's not real. Seriously, who wouldn't want to watch a hardcore anime re-imagining of Harry Potter or an anime set in the Potter-verse?

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: SEXY WIDDLE BABY

GAME GRUMPS ANIMATED: HEAVY PETTING

The recent Grumpisodes, especially in the Pokémon Fire Red series, have had a lot of sexual tension between our hosts, Danny and Arin. Between Arin's senseless and never ceasing sexual advances and Danny being a "sexy widdle baby", there is more sexual tension between these two than all of the monotheistic religious leaders being trapped in a giant elevator between Heaven & Hell after the apocalypse.

JELLYFISH EYES TRAILER!

It has been a hot minute since I've seen a trailer for a Japanese film that both made me say "What the fuck did I just watch?" and "I need to watch it again!" The CGI animation on the monsters is both weird, funny, and blazingly well-integrated into the world the director has created. I dunno about you guys, but I kinda wanna see the end result.